Life's Too Short Not to Eat Cake

What Lights Your Fire?

2012-02-01T13:06:00.003-04:00

I've been having a rough go in the weight loss game lately. I've been trying to lose, I really have - tracking every day, going to the gym, doing what I think are the right things. What I'm doing isn't working. I've been losing and gaining the same two pounds for weeks.

This, my friends, is discouraging. There are days I just don't care anymore. I just want to eat what I want, do what I want. I don't care if I gain weight. I just don't care. I feel like I'm just going through the motions, just doing what I know I should do, only to achieve the same mediocre results.

Today I feel different. Today I woke up with new hope. I don't know why and I'm not sure how long it'll last, but it's here right now. It's enough for today. I feel like I've been set on fire again, like the path has been lit up, and I can navigate my way back down the old cobblestone road I've been down a million times.

I got up earlier than usual, sat down with coffee, made a healthy balanced breakfast for my husband and I, packed a healthy lunch, planned a healthy balanced dinner, and got myself to my weight lifting class in the crazy snow storm out there.

Today's a good day. A first step.

Tomorrow I'm going for step number two.

The Hidden Beauty in Leftovers

2011-09-30T17:57:00.003-03:00

Quickie post today, but I had to say something about this:

I know this is going to make me sound like a total loser, but I'm really proud of myself. We were having salmon and broccoli for dinner. I also made pickles last weekend, so now they're on the plate too, along with two other last minute additions: potatoes and corn. Caloric disaster for dinner.

I'm eating my way through my meal, mulling over how I'm going to be able to still have cookies later (Sad I know, but this is my thought process). Then it occurs to me that I don't have to eat everything on my plate! *ding, ding, ding*

For the first time in many, many months, I did not clean my plate. I am so proud of myself for actually taking the time to think about it before I just mindlessly shoved the food (albeit, really delicious food) in my mouth.

For later? Cookies without a side of guilt!

Birthday Challenge

2011-09-27T11:54:00.002-03:00

How many times have I posted posts like this? Too many. So what's one more, right?

I've gained a significant amount of weight over the summer. Like, 25 lbs significant. Now I need to get that weight back off. Here's the deal:

Start weight: 169.2 (as of Sunday)
December 20th Birthday goal: 144 (149, adjusted)

That gives me exactly 12 weeks, from today, to lose 25 lbs. Now I know that means that I'll be trying to lose more than 2 lbs per week on average. I know how incredibly difficult, and for me probably near impossible that is. But it's a goal and I'm still going to do my best to try for it.

What makes me think there may be hope is the last time I was in this predicament. When I started WW the first time, back on October 17, 2006, I had 20 lbs off by my birthday. That's 3 weeks less than this goal is allotting me, for the extra 5 lbs I'd like to have off. I know things are different now - I'm 5 years older, I'm starting 30 lbs lighter than I did then. I know. But it's a goal.

Honestly, I'd certainly be happy with 20 lbs. Instead of setting myself up for failure, maybe I should set the goal at 20 lbs. That's 1 2/3 lbs per week on average. Yes, let's shoot for that. If I happen to push myself enough to lose over 20 lbs, that will be a total bonus.

It's time I force myself uncomfortable again, other than in my tighter than normal jeans. It's time for me to set boundaries and muster up some stick-to-it-iveness.

Here goes nothin'.

You're Never Far Away

2011-09-26T12:59:00.000-03:00

I found out this morning that my good friend Jim, a friend of mine from my university days, passed away last week. Completely unexpectedly, he passed in his sleep. I am so sad to hear of his passing.

Jim and I met during my first semester of university. I was scared and confused and lost. I hired Jim to tutor me. Jim was two years my senior in our classes, several years my senior in age, and eons my senior in wisdom. I had no idea when I hired this complete stranger how important he would prove to be to my university career and my life.

Jim and I developed a fast friendship, and soon we were meeting much less for tutoring and much more for talking over coffee and drinks or to party with friends. Throughout the course of my university years he taught me so much about life and about people and how to deal with both. He helped me understand and conquer my anxiety and depression, which was much more serious than I gave it credit. He generally made my life, which I thought was miserable, much more bearable and enjoyable. He was a stable, steady force that I could always count on, even after he moved on in his life, following his career to another province.

I will remember so many wonderful things about Jim. In fact, I don't know if I even have a bad memory of him. I can still hear his large, boisterous laugh. I can hear his unwavering voice when he needed to be serious. I can feel his giant bear hug coming right when I needed one.

Jim, thank you so much for being my friend. You helped me become who I am, and you helped me realize that being myself is just perfect. You helped me understand and see the world in a positive light, even when it was so much easier to see the dark parts. You helped me see the dark parts for what they were - just spots that needed a bit of light shone on them. Your wisdom was not wasted on me, and I will continue to live my life trying to teach some of what you've taught me to the others in my life.

I love you dearly, and will miss you very much. I'll see you soon, but not too soon.

It's Fall!

2011-09-23T10:41:00.002-03:00

I love fall so much. Fall reminds me of all of my favourite things: cool weather, bonfires, rustling leaves, pumpkin, warm drinks, sweaters, quilting, pickling, television premieres... the list goes on. It's also my birthday season. I mean, who could ask for more?

One of my most favourite things to do, especially during the fall season is cuddle up with a warm drink and a book. If I can get to a Chapters with a Starbucks, even better. Fancy coffee and more books than I could ever read = bliss.

I tend to opt for cookbooks, or diet and nutrition books most of the time. It just seems I can't get enough of diet books lately, and I have a pretty significant collection as part of my home book collection now. It doesn't even matter if I know I will never follow said diet - I just love reading the science behind diets and just about nutrition in general.

With that said, I thought I'd share a link to US News' Diet Rankings. You can read about a LOT of diets here, including all the good and bad points, as decided by US News. A very interesting read for those of us who've made our way around the diet circuit.

Hope you enjoy it as much as I am.

A Fat Married Lady

2011-09-20T14:15:00.002-03:00

It's been 2 months to the day since I last posted.

The good news? I'm now a married lady!

The bad news? I'm now a fat married lady. (note the missing exclamation point)

I started the 17DD yesterday (my hybrid version, that is), after weighing in at my 5 year high 167 pounds. Unacceptable.

Tuesday

2011-07-20T11:11:00.002-03:00

I weighed in this morning at 160 lbs even. I don't want to weigh 160 lbs. I'd like to get back to my 140 lb self. Here's how I'm starting:

Breakfast:

~ Green monster smoothie: 1/2 banana, 1C unsweetened chocolate almond breeze, 2 scoops whey protein powder, 1.5C spinach
~ 3 cups coffee

309 calories, 30 g carbs, 7 g fat, 35 g protein

Lunch:

~ 1.5 C chili

330 calories, 32 g carbs, 10 g fat, 28 g protein

Dinner:

~ sausage on a bun, 1/2 Dole harvest salad kit

578 calories, 43 g carbs, 35 g fat, 23 g protein

Snacks:

~ Cheese bun w butter
~ 1/2 Powerbar
~ 1 oz Potato Chips
~ Slice of brown bread w butter

564 calories, 83 g carbs, 23 g fat, 10g protein

Exercise:

~ Strength Training
~ Jogging 10 mins
~ Cycling 85 mins

Daily Totals:

1784 calories (my range is 1200-1550 per day)
188 g carbohydrates (my range is 163-236 per day)
74 g fat (my range is 32-56 per day)
100 g protein (my range is 60-127 per day)
26 g fibre (my range is 25-35 per day)

703 calories burned

* This should give me a calorie deficit of approximately 650 calories.

The Return of 'This Week's Grocery List'

2011-06-04T21:37:00.002-03:00

I love grocery lists. I always leave my list behind for someone else to check out.

Here is what we bought today (this is gonna sound bad):

strawberries (a lot of them)

whole wheat english muffins

whole wheat hot dog/sub buns

spinach salad kit

fresh mushroom mix

onions

ground chicken

steaks

all-beef (natural) franks

cheese - medium light cheddar, feta

black forest ham (deli sliced)

frozen lean burgers

greek yogurt

eggs

breyers ice cream bars

toilet paper

milk

chocolate milk

individually packaged apple crumble and peach crumble cups (new and exciting!)

toothpicks

onion rings and ketchup doritos (new experiment)

coke zero

coffee

taco kit (hard and soft)

balogna

YUM!

Yup, I'm Still OK

2011-05-26T10:55:00.003-03:00

I'm still OK. No change since yesterday.

But wow, am I afraid.

Did I mention I'm running my first half marathon on Sunday? Off to Ottawa I go for one of the biggest annual running weekends in Canada. Actually, probably THE biggest. What was I thinking?!?

I waver between, "I can do this", to "I wish I'd never signed up for this".

Don't get me wrong. I KNOW I can do this. I trained for it. My legs aren't going to just seize up or anything. It's my head that's the problem. The time I've spent practicing perfectionism is much more than the time I've spent training for this race.

How can I etch into my brain the idea that I don't need to have any expectations? What is wrong with just going out and running for a couple and a half hours? I'm running farther than most people ever will. I already do, on a regular basis.

Not bad for someone who never thought she'd ever want to run further than to the end of the driveway.

And did you know that only 1% of the population ever run a half-marathon or a marathon? That's not many people. That makes this a pretty significant accomplishment. It also makes me a half-wit.

I am trying to heed the advice given in the post above, and be happy with the feat that I am accomplishing and I'll try to remember that no one is concerned with the time it took me to run it.

So take it easy, Tara. Somehow this will work out. You'll get your bib and chip, you'll remember to pack everything you need, you'll make your way to that race, and you'll finish it. And there will be smiling faces waiting for you at the end.

You're good.

AND a huge shout out to people who are even crazier than I am - Niffer and Mousearoo! Marathons?!? Y'all have lost your minds! ;-) See you at the finish line! Medals and bagels for all!

So Much To Say

2011-05-25T09:01:00.003-03:00

My comments from last night's Daily Mile post:

"6K at race pace. I'll be happy with this race pace, if I can keep it up for 21K. I'm going to be happy no matter what - it's time to stop comparing myself to everyone else and enjoy the runner I am.

I'm gonna be one happy runner on Sunday!"

I'm starting to learn that I don't always have to be the best at everything. I don't always need to compare myself to everyone else. I'll never be perfect, and I don't need to be.

So who am I?

I'm one fantastic cook and baker. I know I am. So why am I so hard on myself when something new that I try in the kitchen doesn't turn out just the way I want? I should be happy with the hundreds of other great things I make, and continue to work towards improving this new recipe, then move on to the next inevitable kitchen disaster. Don't great new things come out of muddled attempts at old things?

I'm an IT geek, dedicated to my job. I'm proud of the fact that I am a woman surrounded by men in my field, and that I'm good at what I do. The guys I work with know that I'm good at what I do, and I love showing other people that I should not be underestimated. I love the look of realization that crosses someone's face when I show them what I can do. My co-worker friends and I now joke about how "I'm just a girl". What could I possibly know about anything? *giggle*

I'm an athlete. I've been an athlete my whole life. Basketball, softball, volleyball, running, weight training - I've done it all, and so much more. I may not be the best at any of these things, but I'm certainly no slouch either. I am one tricky little point guard and I can pitch hard all day. I can run futher than most people I know, although I'm not the fastest. That's not to say that I won't be someday. Life has so much more in store for me.

I'm an artist. I create all kinds of wonderful things with my hands. I paint, sew, sketch, mold. I have great vision.

I'm a loyal family member and friend. I would sacrifice anything for the people in my life. I'm a total people pleaser, and others' feelings usually come before my own. I try to be the best daughter, sister, aunt, fiancée, and friend I can be. I hate hurting other peoples' feelings, so I put them ahead of my own. I take on the troubles of the world. Good or bad, it's who I am.

And besides all that? I'm a random combination of the following: soft-hearted, sensitive, sarcastic, funny, a numbers whiz, intelligent, empathetic, emotional, respectful, faithful, and observant. And that's all. ;-)

How boring would life be if you did everything exactly right all the time?

Who are YOU?

Where's Goose?

2011-03-18T20:51:00.006-03:00

Do you ever get the feeling there's something not quite right but you have a really hard time putting your finger on what exactly is wrong?

*sigh* Welcome to my life. Pull up a chair. I have a story.

I've been feeling like something isn't the way it should be for a couple of months now, and I've really been struggling to put my finger on it. Until the past couple of weeks. Now I've finally figured out what's not in the right place.

It's my control over eating. It's not that I don't have any, but I just feel kind of all over the place. It's like the feeling of knowing how to drive, but not knowing which direction to take.

Everyone knows now that Weight Watchers changed their program in December. I, like millions of other people, am a Weight Watchers alum. I've done the program for years now and have been very successful. The new Points Plus program is not allowing me to be successful. It's not for lack of trying either - I've honestly tried the new program to the best of my ability and I just can't get it to work for me. And I can't be bothered to tweak a program like that to get it to work for me.

So I'm lost. Without my tried and true weight loss program backing me up, I feel like I've lost my wing (wo)man. I'm now officially looking for a new wing (wo)man.* I mean, where's Goose?

Tonight I find myself here:

Can you tell where I am? That's Oprah to the left of me, and Jillian to the right. Here, let me give you a closer look:

That's right - I'm at my local Chapters store. I'm standing in front of the Nutrition & Diets section with a blank, lost look on my face. Overwhelmed. Looking for guidance. Waiting for my next solution to jump off the shelf and hit me in the chest.

That didn't happen.

I mean, LOOK at all of them! The Carb Lovers Diet, The Sonoma Diet, The Biggest Loser Diet, Skinny Bitch, The 17 Day Diet, The 4 Hour Body, Eat to Live, Eat Right 4 Your Type, The Hormone Diet... Gah!

I just don't know what to do now. I need a new solution, but what? There are so many diets out there, how do you choose? What can you manage for the rest of your life? What works? What is based on real science and not just hype?

I brought home two books to check out: 'The Low G.I. Handbook' and 'The South Beach Diet Supercharged'. At the very least, I'm hoping to learn something I don't already know about food and nutrition (doubtful). But I also hope that I might find something to help me feel in control again, in the hopes of losing a few pounds.

*sigh*

Weight Watchers, please bring my old Momentum program back...

*Apply within.

Are YOU Happy?

2011-03-16T21:32:00.003-03:00

How often do you think about whether or not you're happy?

I'm sad to think that so many people, including myself, express very openly how unhappy they are. I often wonder too, are people generally more unhappy now than in generations previous? Do we just talk about it more? Or have our lives changed so much compared to what peoples' lives used to be that we're just somehow continually causing our own unhappiness?

I'm rambling, I know.

Either way, I thought it would be good for me to sit and think about things in my life that make me happy (in no particular order):

My dog. He's always happy to see me, is never in a bad mood, and is a fantastic snuggler.
Sundays. When I was a kid, I hated Sundays. Now I live for Sundays.
That boy.
Good food. I don't care that I shouldn't think about food this way. It's not just fuel to me, and it never will be. It makes me very happy. I'll suffer with a weight problem my whole life before I stop letting food make me happy.
Books. I surround myself with books. There are always no less than four of them on the arm of the couch next to me, or on the rocking chair next to my bed.
My bed. I love my bed.
Good friends.
Cake. Can't forget cake.

There are so many other things, and I'm sure this list is being highly influenced by the kind of day I had today, but no matter. They make me happy.

Weight Lifting for Dummies

2011-03-11T21:19:00.002-04:00

Does such a book exist? I'm sure it does.

I should probably read it.

Dummy or not, I went to the gym today with plan to lift weights. Don't worry, I didn't disappoint.

I get very intimidated and overwhelmed going to the gym across the street from my office for a couple of reasons:

1) Several of my male co-workers work out there regularly at lunch. Put them us a treadmill and I can certainly show them up, but put us in front of some weight lifting equipment and ask us to show you a weight lifting routine and I look like a complete fool. Now if they were complete strangers, I wouldn't really care, but I see these people everyday. I will say though, that one of them is such a nice guy, I don't group him with the others.

2) The gym across the street is a dive compared to other installments of the gym chain I can go to. It's stuffy, underground, crazy busy, and cramped. The floor is uneven. I just feel like I'm working out in a prison. At lunchtime though, it's a very convenient option.

Today these things didn't matter.

I went to the gym with a plan of the exercises I wanted to do. At first I was confused, but it didn't take long to figure out where the equipment was that I wanted to use. I got right to it, and didn't care what anyone thought, including my co-workers and the men who think they sound cool when they huff and puff with a set of dumbbells in their hands.

I was proud of myself.

Think I can do it again next week?

Feel the Love

2011-03-07T19:22:00.002-04:00

More than ever before in my life, I feel loved.

I hope that doesn't sound too self-centered or proud.

After giving it some thought, I think I know why I feel this way. There are so many reasons.

I know this is going to sound cliche, but I guess I don't know how to better express it. I think I've finally allowed myself to be open to being loved. I know, that sounds terrible, doesn't it? I've always been so stubbornly independent, always telling myself that I was strong and didn't need anyone else. I think that put up a wall around me, whether or not I realized it. Now I'm trying to make it easier for people to love me, not by giving up my independence, but more because I started sharing more of myself, even the parts I'm afraid for people to find out about. The way I see it is that if the people in my life don't love me for who I am, I don't need them in my life.

I've also become part of a large network of people, some of whom have become my best friends. I'm not sure how we all found each other, but we did. I've let them into my life hoping that I'd make some new friends, but not really expecting much. Now they're my best friends, and I have wonderful people to spend time with in almost any city in this country.

I think most of the reason why I feel so loved is because I've started to love and accept who I am. I know, I know, totally corny, but whatever. I like who I am, I'm comfortable who I am. I'd be stuck with me on a deserted island.

To those of you who are an active part of my life, I love you. I'm glad you're my friend. I'm going to take every opportunity I can to let you know, even if I am going to sound like a sentimental loser.

So there.

Food Experiment 2011 -- Day 5

2011-02-21T13:34:00.003-04:00

Breakfast: (8 Momentum pts, 8 PointsPlus pts)

Oatcake (180 cals, 25g carbs, 8g fat, 3g protein, 2g fibre)
175 grams Liberte Plain Greek Yogurt (110 cals, 6g carbs, 1g fat, 20g protein, 0g fibre)
50 grams Liberte Lemon Yogurt (71 cals, 7g carbs, 4g fat, 2g protein, 0g fibre)
1/2 Tbsp Flax Meal (15 cals, 1g carbs, 1g fat, 1g protein, 1g fibre)

Lunch: (7 Momentum pts, 7 PointsPlus pts)

2 C Lettuce (16 cals, 3g carbs, 0g fat, 2g protein, 1.9g fibre)

1/4 C Tomatoes (8 cals, 2g carbs, 0g fat, 0g protein, 0.4g fibre)
1/4 C Cucumber (3 cals, 1g carbs, 0g fat, 0g protein, 0.2g fibre)
1 oz Light Feta (60 cals, 0g carbs, 4g fat, 6g protein, 0g fibre)
1 Tbsp Renee's Greek Feta Light Dressing (50 cals, 1g carbs, 5g fat, 0g protein, 0g fibre)
1 C Carrots (52 cals, 12g carbs, 0g fat, 1g protein, 3.6g fibre)
Cheese & Crackers (190 cals, 24g carbs, 9g fat, 3g protein, 0g fibre)

Dinner: (6 Momentum pts, 6 PointsPlus pts)

5 oz Mahi Mahi
3 C Frozen Mixed Vegetables
1/2 Can Low-Fat Condensed Soup
1 tsp Olive Oil

Snack: (5 Momentum pts, 7 PointsPlus pts)

Slice of Sweet Home Alabanana
2 Tbsp Chocolate Chips

Daily Totals:

1380 calories (my range is 1200-1550 per day)
155 g carbohydrates (my range is 163-236 per day)
53 g fat (my range is 32-56 per day)
85 g protein (my range is 60-127 per day)
23 g fibre (my range is 25-35 per day)

26 Momentum pts Used, 28 PointsPlus pts Used

Weekly Totals:
Momentum Weekly Points: -5/35 Remaining, 7/7 APs earned
PointsPlus Weekly Points: 29/49 Remaining, 11 APs earned
Sparkpeople Calorie Differential: -1604 Calories

Food Experiment 2011 -- Day 4

2011-02-21T13:03:00.001-04:00

Breakfast: (5 Momentum pts, 5 PointsPlus pts)

Thomas' Cinnamon Raisin Bagel Thin (110 cals, 25g carbs, 1g fat, 4g protein, 4g fibre)
1 Tbsp Light Peanut Butter (90 cals, 6g carbs, 6g fat, 2g protein, 1g fibre)
1 Banana (125 cals, 32g carbs, 0g fat, 1g protein, 3.2g fibre)

Lunch: (3 Momentum pts, 4 PointsPlus pts)

Multigrain Sandwich Thin (100 cals, 22g carbs, 1g fat, 5g protein, 5g fibre)

2 oz Smoked Turkey (35 cals, 0g carbs, 1g fat, 9g protein, 0g fibre)
1 Tbsp Light Mayonnaise (50 cals, 1g carbs, 5g fat, 0g protein, 0g fibre)

Dinner: (17 Momentum pts, 19 PointsPlus pts)

1.5 oz Whole Wheat Fettuccine (143 cals, 26g carbs, 1g fat, 7g protein, 4.5g fibre)
1/2 C Light Alfredo Sauce (100 cals, 6g carbs, 6g fat, 2g protein, 0g fibre)
2.5 oz Chicken Breast (78 cals, 0g carbs, 1g fat, 16g protein, 0g fibre)
2 Tbsp Light Cream Cheese (60 cals, 2g carbs, 5g fat, 3g protein, 0g fibre)

3/4 C Broccoli (41 cals, 8g carbs, 0g fat, 3g protein, 3.9g fibre)
1/4 C Onion (15 cals, 3g carbs, 0g fat, 0g protein, 0.7g fibre)
2 oz Breadstick (151 cals, 29g carbs, 2g fat, 4g protein, 0g fibre)
2 C Lettuce (16 cals, 3g carbs, 0g fat, 2g protein, 1.9g fibre)
1/4 C Tomatoes (8 cals, 2g carbs, 0g fat, 0g protein, 0.4g fibre)
1/4 C Cucumber (3 cals, 1g carbs, 0g fat, 0g protein, 0.2g fibre)
6 Lg Olives (40 cals, 3g carbs, 3g fat, 0g protein, 1.2g fibre)
1 oz Light Feta (60 cals, 0g carbs, 4g fat, 6g protein, 0g fibre)
2 Tbsp Renee's Greek Feta Light (100 cals, 2g carbs, 10g fat, 1g protein, 0.7g fibre)

Snack: (4 Momentum pts, 4 PointsPlus pts)

1 oz Potato Chips (152 cals, 15g carbs, 10g fat, 2g protein, 0g fibre)

Light Jello (10 cals, 0g carbs, 0g fat, 1g protein, 0g fibre)

Daily Totals:

1487 calories (my range is 1200-1550 per day)
185 g carbohydrates (my range is 163-236 per day)
57 g fat (my range is 32-56 per day)
70 g protein (my range is 60-127 per day)
29 g fibre (my range is 25-35 per day)

29 Momentum pts Used, 32 PointsPlus pts Used

Weekly Totals:
Momentum Weekly Points: -1/35 Remaining, 6/7 APs earned
PointsPlus Weekly Points: 29/49 Remaining, 11 APs earned
Sparkpeople Calorie Differential: -1604 Calories

Food Experiment 2001 -- Day 3

2011-02-20T19:45:00.004-04:00

Day 3... No good choices made after breakfast. It was a traveling day, so my meals were all eaten out (after breakfast).

Breakfast: (4 Momentum pts, 4 PointsPlus pts)

1/2 C Liberte FF Plain Greek Yogurt (79 cals, 4g carbs, 1g fat, 14g protein, 0g fibre)
1/2 C Liberte Mediterranee Lemon Yogurt (107 cals, 11g carbs, 6g fat, 3g protein, 0g fibre)
3/4 C Blueberries (61 cals, 15g carbs, 0g fat, 1g protein, 2.9g fibre)
1/2 Tbsp Flax Meal (15 cals, 1g carbs, 1g fat, 1g protein, 1g fibre)

Lunch: (9 Momentum pts, 10 PointsPlus pts)

3/4 TH Egg and Cheese Breakfast Sandwich (233 cals, 24g carbs, 10g fat, 12g protein, 0.8g fibre)

1.5 oz Jerky (120 cals, 6g carbs, 1g fat, 23g protein, 0g fibre)

Dinner: (20 Momentum pts, 23 PointsPlus pts)

Deep Fried Pickles (113 cals, 11g carbs, 8g fat, 0g protein, 0.8g fibre)
Fish Sandwich with Cheese (523 cals, 48g carbs, 29g fat, 21g protein, 3g fibre)

Sweet Potato Fries (206 cals, 29g carbs, 9g fat, 3g protein, 2.9g fibre)

French Fry Dip (130 cals, 3g carbs, 13g fat, 0g protein, 0g fibre)

Snack: (20 Momentum pts, 23 PointsPlus pts)

6 Potato Chips (yes, 6) (70 cals, 7g carbs, 5g fat, 1g protein, 0g fibre)

Hostess Strawberry Cupcakes (100 cals, 22g carbs, 3g fat, 2g protein, 4g fibre)

Daily Totals:

1755 calories (my range is 1200-1550 per day)
183 g carbohydrates (my range is 163-236 per day)
83 g fat (my range is 32-56 per day)
79 g protein (my range is 60-127 per day)
13 g fibre (my range is 25-35 per day)

35 Momentum pts Used, 42 PointsPlus pts Used

Weekly Totals:
Momentum Weekly Points: 4/35 Remaining, 7 APs earned
PointsPlus Weekly Points: 32/49 Remaining, 11 APs earned
Sparkpeople Calorie Differential: -683 Calories, -581 Calories, -36 Calories

Food Experiment 2011 -- Day 2

2011-02-18T09:14:00.004-04:00

I'd just like to put it out there that y'all had better not be judging my food consumption. Yes, I can put back a foot long sub. I can put back a lot of things. I didn't get fat without eating a lot of food.

On to day 2...

Breakfast: (4 Momentum pts, 4 PointsPlus pts)

2/3 C Liberte FF Plain Greek Yogurt (110 cals, 6g carbs, 1g fat, 20g protein, 0g fibre)
1/8 C Liberte Mediterranee Lemon Yogurt (36 cals, 4g carbs, 2g fat, 1g protein, 0g fibre)
3/4 C Blueberries (61 cals, 15g carbs, 0g fat, 1g protein, 2.9g fibre)
1/2 Tbsp Flax Meal (15 cals, 1g carbs, 1g fat, 1g protein, 1g fibre)

Lunch: (9 Momentum pts, 9 PointsPlus pts)

1 oz Roast Beef (57 cals, 0g carbs, 2g fat, 9g protein, 0g fibre)
2 oz White Bread (151 cals, 29g carbs, 2g fat, 4g protein, 1.4g fibre)
1/2 Tbsp Mayonnaise (45 cals, 0g carbs, 5g fat, 0g protein, 0g fibre)
1 oz Swiss Cheese (107 cals, 1g carbs, 8g fat, 8g protein, 0g fibre)
1 C Baby Carrots (52 cals, 12g carbs, 0g fat, 1g protein, 3.6g fibre)

Dinner: (12 Momentum pts, 14 PointsPlus pts)

14 Tostitos Multigrain Chips (260 cals, 32g carbs, 12g fat, 3g protein, 3g fibre)
3 oz Chicken Breast (94 cals, 0g carbs, 1g fat, 20g protein, 0g fibre)
1/4 C Barbecue Sauce (47 cals, 8g carbs, 1g fat, 1g protein, 0g fibre)
1/4 C Yellow Corn (33 cals, 8g carbs, 0g fat, 1g protein, 0.8g fibre)
1/4 C Light Sour Cream (70 cals, 6g carbs, 3g fat, 2g protein, 0g fibre)
1/2 C Chopped Green Peppers (19 cals, 5g carbs, 0g fat, 1g protein, 0.8g fibre)
1/2 C Salsa (36 cals, 8g carbs, 0g fat, 2g protein, 2.1g fibre)
1/4 C Chopped Onions (15 cals, 3g carbs, 0g fat, 0g protein, 0.7g fibre)

Snack:

Activity:

Daily Totals:

1208 calories (my range is 1200-1550 per day)
138 g carbohydrates (my range is 163-236 per day)
39 g fat (my range is 32-56 per day)
74 g protein (my range is 60-127 per day)
17 g fibre (my range is 25-35 per day)

25 Momentum pts Used, 27 PointsPlus pts Used

Weekly Totals:
Momentum Weekly Points: 23/35 Remaining, 3 APs earned
PointsPlus Weekly Points: 45/49 Remaining, 4 APs earned
Sparkpeople Calorie Differential: -683 Calories, -581 Calories

This has gone on long enough

2011-02-17T11:15:00.002-04:00

I am tired of the struggle, and making excuses. I'm tired of not wanting to put on my clothes in the morning, or adjusting them so they're comfortable all day. I'm tired of wavering between weight loss programs, so that I'm never sticking with one the way I should, so that none of them are working.

I'm dedicating myself right now to doing the following for at least the next 7 days:
- I'm going to post a daily menu for all to read.
- I'm going to re-live my food experiment of a couple of years ago, comparing WW PointsPlus point values to Sparkpeople nutritional values, to WW Momentum points values.

I'm going to see what's not working and why.

I need to get rid of my newest 20-pound monkey.

Food Experiment 2011 -- Day 1

2011-02-17T11:08:00.010-04:00

Breakfast: (5 Momentum pts, 5 PointsPlus pts)

2/3 C Liberte FF Plain Greek Yogurt (110 cals, 6g carbs, 1g fat, 20g protein, 0g fibre)
1/3 C Liberte Mediterranee Lemon Yogurt (71 cals, 7g carbs, 4g fat, 2g protein, 0g fibre)
3/4 C Blueberries (61 cals, 15g carbs, 0g fat, 1g protein, 2.9g fibre)
1 Tbsp Flax Meal (30 cals, 2g carbs, 2g fat, 2g protein, 2g fibre)

Lunch: (8 Momentum pts, 8 PointsPlus pts)

1 Personal Size Veggie Pizza (315 cals, 39g carbs, 12g fat, 13g protein, 2.4g fibre)
1 Cup Raw Carrots (52 cals, 12g carbs, 0g fat, 1g protein, 3.6g fibre)

Dinner: (16 Momentum pts, 17 PointsPlus pts)

12" Subway Ham Sub with all veggies, mayo (685 cals, 99g carbs, 18g fat, 36g protein, 8g fibre)

Snack: (4 Momentum pts, 4 PointsPlus pts)

3C Orville Redenblahblah's Nacho Popcorn (180 cals, 15g carbs, 13g fat, 2g protein, 3g fibre)
1 Light Cheese String (60 cals, 0g carbs, 3g fat, 6g protein, 0g fibre)

Activity: (-3 Momentum pts, -4 PointsPlus pts)

Downhill skiing for 2+ hours (I'm estimating 1 hour): 360 calories burned

Daily Totals:

1533 calories (my range is 1200-1550 per day)
195 g carbohydrates (my range is 163-236 per day)
51 g fat (my range is 32-56 per day)
81 g protein (my range is 60-127 per day)
20 g fibre (my range is 25-35 per day)

33 Momentum pts Used, 34 PointsPlus pts Used

Weekly Totals:
Momentum Weekly Points: 31/35 Remaining
PointsPlus Weekly Points: 45/49 Remaining
Sparkpeople Calorie Differential: -683 Calories

Here comes the unconventional bride

2011-02-10T19:42:00.004-04:00

Hello? Is this thing on?

Yeah, I haven't been around in a long time. Been busy.

Got engaged, and am planning a wedding. A nice, easy wedding. Let's talk about that for a minute.

If you don't know, my fiance and I are pretty low-key and easy to get along with people. I wish you all knew him - he's pretty fantastic. We live a pretty simple life. We have a normal home just outside a small city. We do normal things like sit on the couch and joke while watching TV. We go camping for vacation time away, we spend quality time together in the kitchen, and we get up early on the weekends. We budget, we grocery shop on the weekend, and we have a dog that's less than perfect and the love of our lives.

Not very glamorous, is it?

So how do you show people who don't see you every single day that this is who you are? Do people still have wedding expectations? Do they all have to be formal?

A wedding day is supposed to be a day when people see you both at your best. I like the idea of just being us at our best and at our happiest. We like being comfortable and we really want other people to be just as comfortable.

What are some wedding formalities you like at a wedding? What are some traditions you wouldn't miss?

Gratefulness

2010-11-23T15:32:00.004-04:00

Is that a word?

For some reason, the word 'grateful' has come up a lot lately. I'm reading it and hearing about gratefulness all over the place. I always take these things as being some sort of sign, so I figured I should be thinking about and talking about gratefulness. This post is very much inspired by many happy posts I've read of late.

I'm grateful for so many things - let me share:

~ I live with the kindest, more tolerant, gentle, generous man I could ask to share my life with.
~ I have a wonderful family - we love each other more and more every day. Our newest little family member is really changing our lives for the better. We are so lucky to be blessed with her.
~ We are healthy, and happy, and very fortunate.
~ I have more people that I consider friends than I ever have before, no matter how far apart we are from each other physically.
~ My dog. I love that fuzzy little being. He's made me a better person.
~ My job. I may not always jump out of bed eager to go to work, but I have great co-workers and a very good job - certainly nothing I should be complaining much about.

So there you have it. What more can a person ask for?

Monday Menu - I know, another boring food list

2010-11-09T12:59:00.004-04:00

I know it's Tuesday, but I want to talk about yesterday's food too. I'm looking for suggestions and critiques. I'm trying to eat "cleaner" and incorporate more whole foods and more protein.

Here's what I ate:

Breakfast: Oats with greek yogurt and raisins, coffee
Snack: none (still full)
Lunch: Salad (spinach, tomatoes, mixed beans, feta stuffed peppers, flax meal, vinaigrette)
Snack: 2 Turkey Bites
Dinner: Turkey Burger (whole wheat bun, cranberry chutney, and grainy mustard), sweet potato fries with herb mayo for dipping
Snack: 3 Clementines

Because I don't trust myself not to overeat, I'm still figuring out my nutritional totals:
1530 cals, 197 grams carbohydrates, 46 grams fat, 95 grams protein

I think the only thing I ate that wouldn't be considered "clean" was the mayo, and maybe the kaiser roll I had my burger on. It was from a local bakery, but it doesn't list ingredients.

Thoughts?

This Week's Grocery List

2010-11-06T15:06:00.003-03:00

I've really been trying harder to focus on whole foods and shopping the perimeter of the store. Here are today's finds:

Light Eggnog

1% Milk

Light Cream (for a specific FFwD recipe)

Coffee Cream (for a specific FFwD recipe)

Fresh Salmon

Lean Ground Beef

Ground Turkey

Orange Juice

Sugar

Fat-Free Greek Yogurt - Plain

Fat-Free Greek Yogurt - Strawberry (!!!)

Low-Fat Olive Oil Mayonnaise

Canned Crushed Tomatoes

Swiss Cheese

Tassimo Lattes

Garlic

Old Dutch All-Dressed Potato Chips (I have no idea how they got in the cart - Steve?)

Clementines

Onions

Honeycrisp Apples

Green Peppers

Baby Spinach

Baby Lettuce

Portabella Mushrooms

Roast Beef

Whole Grain Artisan Bread

Coarse Salt

Smoked Tuna

Multigrain Hamburger Buns

Cranberry Orange Chutney

Chili Oil

Coke Zero

C-Plus Orange

I cannot wait to have turkey burgers for supper this week!

Take Some Time to Think

2010-11-04T13:36:00.002-03:00

I went for a run today at lunch, all by my lonesome. It's been quite a while since I'd done that, come to think of it. I'm usually out with the tall geeks from the other side of my floor, one of whom is learning to run. Needless to say, I haven't been challenging myself as much as I should be.

Today I decided I'd go by myself - completely all alone, by myself. No distractions. This also means no music. I also made sure I wasn't wearing any gear that would drive me insane while I was on my solo journey. It was just me and my garmin.

It was great just listening to myself breathing. Nice rhythmic breathing. And I took time to think about my body - where my shoulders were, whether any part of me felt tighter than it should have, and whether my shoes were comfortable.

I also thought about which parts of my body were actually getting tired, and when I really analyzed the whole thing, I found that I could actually keep going longer. Can your legs handle a couple more minutes? Yup. Can your lungs handle a couple more minutes? Yup. Better keep going then.

It was great. I need to do that just a bit more often.

Silence is Golden

2010-10-18T19:14:00.003-03:00

Have you ever had times when it seems like you're saying everything wrong? As soon as you open your mouth and say something you wish you hadn't?

I am very much in that space now. I am regretting everything I'm saying, not necessarily because I don't feel it, but I just feel like I'm saying everything wrong.

I sound needy, and whiny, sensitive, and insecure. I am saying the wrong things to the wrong people.

Even my comments on Facebook and my emails sound all wrong.

Please, everyone, give me the benefit of the doubt. I'm a good person, I'm confident, and I really meant for that to sound better than it did. Really.

I think I'll just keep my mouth shut.

Sh!t My Boyfriend Says

2010-09-22T21:17:00.003-03:00

We're watching TV. The dog is curled up on his bed on the floor.

Him: "What do you think of the dog?"

Me: "He looks suspicious, doesn't he?" *grinning - our dog is adorable*

Him: "I think he looks like a gnome dog."

Me: "You mean he looks like gnome? That's not very nice."

Him: "But if a gnome had a dog, it would look like him, you know?"

*sigh*

Sh!t My Boyfriend Says

2010-09-14T22:53:00.002-03:00

We're driving.

Him: "Do you smell something funny?"

Me: "No. What do you mean funny?"

Him: "Oh nothing, I just thought I smelled a toot."

Me: "Are you asking if I tooted?"

Him: "No, maybe we just drove through a toot or something."

This is my life.

This Week's Grocery List

2010-09-12T16:24:00.002-03:00

This one definitely looks a little better than the last couple...

frozen vegetables
old white cheddar
flax oil
butter
tzatziki sauce
sugar
100 calorie snacks (for Steve's lunch)
canned tomatoes
vegetable broth
low-sodium cream of mushroom soup
low-fat cream of broccoli soup
2% evaporated milk
lean ground beef
extra lean ground turkey
brown eggs
unsweetened soy milk
chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream
toothpaste
dog food
simply bars
1% milk
spinach (2 bags)
red onion
garlic
yellow potatoes
milkbones (for the fuzzy man of the house)
canned pumpkin
broccoli
green pepper
bananas
granny smith apples
coffee
papier de toilette

I think I'll be in much better shape this week.

If you hadn't already noticed, I'll be making some green monsters for breakfast.

My Personal Happiness Project

2010-09-11T17:53:00.003-03:00

Is it selfish to want more happiness for yourself? To put other people aside for a bit and focus on what you want and who you want to be, then set out to do what you need to do to achieve those things?

I don't think so.

I've recently decided to embark on a personal happiness project. I plan on changing the things in my life that don't make me happy, so that I can ultimately be happier and a better person to the other people in my life.

My happiness project isn't an original idea. My soul sista Jan turned me on to a great book by Gretchen Rubin called, 'The Happiness Project'. We both agreed that we don't usually tune ourselves in to books like this - you know the ones, the self-help, change your life types. We also realized that not everything in this book will ring true to both or either of us, but the book has proven to be a great read and a bit of an eye opener.

I hope no one has the wrong impression about my level of happiness. I'm generally a very happy person with more than one person should have the privilege of being thankful for. I have a loving, wonderful, healthy family; a great guy who loves me unconditionally and a fuzzy animal to keep us laughing; friends, near and far, whom I love and who will always be a huge part of my life; a warm, safe, stable home; a good job; a full tummy; and plenty of everything to spare. I have nothing to complain about.

Even though I have an enviable life, there are lots of things I'd love to change about it. I'd like to feel more accomplished. I'd like to find more time to read. I'd like to be a bit more easygoing. I'd like to do less rushing around and more savouring. I can do better, and I can be better to myself.

I have a plan for achieving some of these goals. I realize this isn't something that can happen quickly. I know some of these changes won't be easy for me, and that a lot of them will make me uncomfortable. I also know that small changes can make big differences and that no one ever got better at anything without some discomfort and some effort.

Mark my words, change is a comin'. Stay tuned.

It's Been a Week Already? This Week's Grocery Shop

2010-09-03T19:26:00.004-03:00

It's already been another week come and gone. Not quite, but almost.

Steve and I decided to get groceries before Hurricane Earl hit so that we can stay in tomorrow and do nothing but eat delicious snacks, you know, in the name of survival.

Here is the list of purchases today:

Reese Peanut Butter Puffs cereal
Chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream (I can't believe these are the first two things on the list)
Blue Menu angus burgers
Light sour cream
Hot pepperoni
Whole wheat macaroni
Peas
Corn
Coffee
Dog food
Root beer
Whole wheat english muffins
Hamburger buns
Whipped peanut butter (whipped!)
Dill pickles
Cool ranch doritos
Renee's ranch dressing
Renee's Light caesar dressing
Tassimo chai tea lattes (FREE)
Tassimo Starbucks cappuccino (FREE)
Yves original veggie ground round
Vachon Ah Caramel cakes
Maple pepper smoked salmon
Rainbow trout
Honey oat bread
Ancient grains bread
Coffee cake
Kibbles
Plums
White mushrooms
Fresh cilantro
Garlic
Cauliflower
Romaine lettuce
Buttercup squash
Vidalia onion
Green pepper

So in hindsight, I guess I didn't make stellar choices. I yelled at Steve when he put the coffee cake in our cart.

There were two things I couldn't wait to try. I dug into them as soon as we got home: the smoked salmon (not because I don't know what it tastes like, but because I LOVE it and I was famished). I also had to try the whipped peanut butter.

I know, I'm eight years old.

We spent $138.

Today's Grocery Shop

2010-08-29T16:54:00.003-03:00

I love food and I love to see what's in peoples' grocery carts at the store, what's in their refrigerators and their cupboards.

In light of that, I'm sharing my grocery shop today. Here's what we came home with:

chicken breast (2 packs - they were BOGO)

ground beef (for the dog's food)

a pot roast (for dinner tonight)

diet pepsi

cream soda

orange c-plus

light sour cream

vanilla greek yogurt (I'm very excited about this!)

tassimo single serve coffee pods

light cream cheese

light spinach cream cheese

velveeta shells and cheese

whole wheat KD

baby shrimp

2% milk

2 packages of bagels (BOGO)

unbleached all-purpose flour

spinach nuggets

falafel

Old Dutch all-dressed chips

2 packs mushrooms (BOGO)

yellow onions

green bell pepper

broccoli

turnip

multigrain tostitos

whole wheat pitas

oatmeal brown bread

multigrain bread

So there - that's it, in all its delicious glory. Some good, some bad. I also just made a trip to the Costco, so we've got lots of great stuff here to add on to what we picked up.

We spent $125.

You're Such a Card!

2010-08-28T16:58:00.003-03:00

Another strange thing about me. I get a HUGE kick out of greeting cards. It's a bit unnatural, actually.

Today's great finds:

This is actually a tablet of citations:

I laughed out loud at this one:

Now that I've revealed a couple of strange things about me, why don't you tell me something strange about you? It'll make me feel better. :-S

Excited to Run?

2010-08-28T16:10:00.002-03:00

I'm excited to run tomorrow.

I'm sure this is just a weird thing about me, but I'll share anyway. Sometimes when I go grocery shopping I buy really good stuff, the stuff I love to eat. Then when I get home, I want to eat it all right then because it's good. It doesn't even have to be junky food - it can be healthy food too. It's like I'm thinking, "I'm going to eat all of these blueberries and yogurt right now. The more I eat of it, the healthier I'll be." Funny, huh?

I just want to go out running right now because I'm really looking forward to my run tomorrow morning.

I'm that kind of weird.

Sometimes You Just Need to Have a Good Cry

2010-08-23T10:25:00.003-03:00

If you know me, you know that I'm pretty tough, and that I've got spunk and a lot of attitude. If that's bad, I don't care. It's me. I'm stubborn, and a perfectionist, and I like getting what I want. I'm a very determined lady and once I have a goal in mind, you'd might as well hand it over to me - I'm that kind of stubborn and determined girl. Don't tell me I can't have something, or that I can't do something - it will become my life's mission to prove you wrong.

I'm also sentimental (although not often openly). I'm hard on myself and I carry a lot of insecurities that I try not to let show. At least I'll admit that, right? I have too much love for other people and although I try to show them with kindness, generosity, and humour, it scares the heck out of me to show anyone love. I also have a lot of love for myself, but I don't express it the same way I express my love to others. I think I'm harder on myself because even though other people can always leave my life, I'll never escape myself.

Where is this going?

Lately I've really been feeling like I'm letting other people I love down. I'm letting myself down. I'm getting very overwhelmed by all of this thinking about it. So...

Yesterday, I knew just what I needed - a run. I had been looking forward to it all week, waiting for Sunday's run. I love running. I do most of my best thinking while running. I feel my best during a run, at least most of the time, but running serves another purpose for me too. For me, running has this ability to bring to the surface those tiny things I've been trying to keep down.

I ran one of the worst runs I can remember running yesterday. I have a run like that about once every four to six months, and I know it's because I'm not in a good head space, and something needs to bubble up to the surface so I can face it. I got a good look at it about twenty minutes in to my run yesterday. I had a little cry (don't tell anyone that). I exhausted myself both physically and emotionally.

Today is better. I think I'm better equipped to face the world again. You can bet I won't be missing my run next week either. I need to check back to make sure I'm heading where I need to be going.

Day 4

2010-08-20T23:25:00.003-03:00

Hump day, so to speak.

Today was not fun. I was woken up by a phone call from my co-worker Brian.

I wore skinny jeans to work (yes, I did buy a pair - we have a love-hate relationship).

My entire workday was a bust, and I'm really frustrated about it, but that's another vent for another time.

Somehow I managed to keep my arse in the boat:

Breakfast - a breakfast quesadilla and copious amounts of coffee
Snack - a cup of blueberries
Lunch - salad with lots of greens, tomatoes, cheddar, lean ham, an egg white, and cucumbers. Also a granola bar.
Dinner - a veggie burger on a thin bun and sweet potato fries
Snack - a slice of zucchini bread

Tomorrow morning, Steve and I are off to the market to meet Sarah King (!) and J. I expect we'll buy some great cheese and samosas. They also have these wonderful new things - cinnamon roasted nuts. I'm betting I'll be bringing those home too. Tomorrow will also include a grocery run.

Oh, and of course, there was a realization today:

My work will set me off enough to eat. Today was very stressful and anxiety-provoking. It was nearly enough for me to grab a chocolate bar, or pick up fast food on the way home. But I didn't. I did however, consciously recognize what was going on. That's pretty big for me. It'll be important for me to stay on top of this, since my work is incredibly demanding a lot of the time.

I deflected my "food reward" for a cookbook reward instead. I managed to find the time to run to a bookstore between phone calls this evening to pick up two new cookbooks. *beams*

Who Wouldn't Want to Come Home to This Little Monster?

2010-08-19T21:58:00.003-03:00

This is what greets me every day when I get home from work...

Day 3

2010-08-19T20:17:00.002-03:00

*Sigh*

So I'm just going to get this right out of the way. I ate terribly today. I made bad choices. I was tempted and caved. Meh.

Breakfast: Blueberry oatmeal muffin

Lunch: Bowl of corn chowder

Afternoon snack: sugar-free Jones soda, cup of blueberries

Dinner: a footlong Subway lobster sub

Did everyone catch that I ate an entire footlong sub for dinner?

Let me tell you today's Subway story. Stephen suggested we have Subway for dinner. I used to pick up Subway for us once a week, which I've gotten out of the habit of doing. It has been very hot here this week though, and I didn't feel like cooking, so I agreed.

I went out for a run after work like a good little weight losing runner. I parked in the Subway parking lot and hit the trail that runs just behind it for my run. This way I could just grab Subway after the run and head home.

The Subway is packed. I wait a few minutes, no big deal, and people continue to file in after me. I order our subs - mine being a lobster sub, Stephen's being a steak and bacon melt. The people are great making our subs really quickly, but the person in front of me had issues with his debit card and we all got held up at the cash.

It was at this time that the lady behind me in line leans over and says, "I hope the steak tastes better than it looks."

Um, what? Now I know that the Subway steak subs aren't made with filet mignon. But I've eaten the Subway steak and quite like it. It looked the same it always does, and when you put bacon and melted cheese on it, I couldn't see how that would taste bad.

It really made me wonder something. We all meet people in this world who are arses. But, do the arses in this world have people they consider to be arses? How arsey are those people?

I did have a small victory today that I'd like to tell you about too. I realized today that I would need to stop at the store and buy new ice cream if I planned on having my regular half cup for a snack tonight. Yes, this is how much I think about ice cream. I didn't stop to get any. It wasn't because I forgot either. I just didn't stop.

There is ice cream on the list of things to pick up tomorrow.

Day 2

2010-08-18T19:51:00.002-03:00

Day 2's been better than day 1.

I don't feel quite as hungry. My arms are firmly attached.

I was telling my friend Jan awhile ago that I've been running with some guys from work three lunch hours a week for quite a while now, and today was one of the first days I questioned whether I could continue. See, they're tall, and fast. It's getting harder and harder to keep up as we get into longer running intervals. I'm going to keep going with them until I just really can't do it anymore. Hopefully as the summer heat subsides, I'll be able to continue.

Here's today's menu:

Breakfast: an oatcake (not my best choice, I know)

Lunch: vegetable soup and a turkey sandwich on whole wheat

Afternoon snack: granola bar and a perrier

Dinner: buffalo chicken salad (lettuce, cherry tomatoes, sauteed peppers/mushrooms/onions/tofu, Frank's buffalo wing sauce, cheese)

Snack: Handful of fritos corn chips (so far)

Last night's snack was ice cream, and I expect that'll happen again tonight. I will measure a half a cup of PC Loads of Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, and eat it out of the measuring cup, as I do every single night of my life.

I'm already off to a great start this week. I consider myself having a good week if I'm on the plus side in terms of points. At this moment, I've used 4 flex points, but I've already earned 5 in APs this week, so I'm at a +1 right now. This is fantastic for my second day in. If I can make it through day 3 or 4 at near even, I'm good to go.

Day 1

2010-08-17T19:38:00.002-03:00

No one fails on day 1. Things don't start to go awry until at least day 4. That's kind of funny to me too, considering I spend my first few days "on plan", hungry.

So today was good. I hope tomorrow will be easier.

Breakfast was yogurt, berries, and coffee.

Morning snack was a banana.

Lunch was a salad with greens, peppers, cucumber, egg whites, ham, and feta. Salad was followed by a nectarine.

Afternoon snack was another nectarine and a small granola bar.

Before my run I had some blueberries.

Dinner was two veggie dogs, one wheat bun, onions fried in olive oil, and broccoli.

I've got lots of room left for a snack again later. :-)

I know a lot of you are probably not happy about reading what I'm eating. If you don't like it, don't read it. I think that putting it out there will help me make better choices and will help me be more accountable.

I Need Help

2010-08-16T12:58:00.001-03:00

There, I've said it. I need help.

I've gained a bit of weight, and I haven't done a thing about it. This has gone on long enough.

I need to do something about it now.

Lisa and I have decided to do this together, a couple of weeks ago. My first couple of weeks were great, then last week I went on vacation.

Well, no more.

I'm back.

I will be following my own guidelines for this, very challenge-like. I've put a request out there to the GDT, but I don't think this will work for me if I'm accountable to a group of mostly strangers. I need help from those who know and whom I'm hoping love me, at least a little. This will work for me because I won't want to disappoint you.

My challenge starts tomorrow morning, with a WI. There are almost 10 weeks left before I'm in Toronto. I will be 12-15 lbs lighter by then. That would make me a very happy girl, and much more comfortable in my own skin.

Knowing myself better than anyone, I am not going to be expecting perfection. I am going to be expecting healthy eating and increased exercise.

I'm going to be accountable to all of you, and I am going to be successful.

Love yous,
Tara

Facebook Friend Policy

2010-07-14T22:00:00.003-03:00

Guidelines for removing or keeping facebook friends (some of which belong to myself, some to others):

If you walk right past me in the mall, and don't say hi - we are no longer facebook friends.

If I am too lazy to type 'Happy Birthday' on your wall on your birthday - we are no longer facebook friends. If you get deleted from my facebook friend list on your birthday, this is the category you've fallen into. If your birthday has passed and we're still facebook friends, I'm sorry I didn't get to write 'Happy Birthday' on your wall. I'm actually sincerely sorry - I try my best to keep up with these things.

If I avoid an aisle in the grocery store because you're in it and I don't want to interact with you, we are no longer facebook friends.

Any others?

For You, M

2010-07-09T09:01:00.001-03:00

I really do have pictures of my friends and family at the office:

The Office

2010-07-08T20:25:00.012-03:00

I have so much to blog about just sitting up there in my head. When there's too much to say, I get overwhelmed and have a hard time getting it out.

Strangely, I've had a rather action packed life lately. I think I caused it myself though, as I think I do on occasion when I feel like things are getting stale. When you're bored, why not buy and sell a couple of houses? Or maybe you'd rather build a house? Take a new course?

What ever happened to re-arranging furniture when you get a little bored with your everyday life? ;-)

One of the many things that's happened lately is the change in my job, or at least my work environment. Recently, my office has moved from a very old office building to a newer office building. From a big cubicle with my own air conditioner and a window that opens, to a 7x7 cubicle with a nice view of a gorgeous church over my shoulder but no window of my own.

With the new environment comes new duties. I don't think I'll be doing as much Oracle work anymore, which I'm alright with. I'll now be working with web and communications tools, taking me back to my roots and allowing me to use my multimedia degree. I'm very excited about the new beginning, and a little bit sad about what is ending.

In the interest of blogging being about sharing some of our lives, I took some pictures of my new cubicle. Now you'll all be able to picture me there, typing, sighing, and giggling at all of you.

This first one is a picture of the full cube, as you would walk in:

This is what I look at all day:

Vive le beave! My stuffed beaver, Bud Gnawwood:

This needs no words:

Just Call Me Dex

2010-07-06T22:53:00.003-03:00

If you watch Dexter, you'll know that he's a serial killer who only kills serial killers

I like to think of myself as the Dexter of the road.

I like to play this game every once in a while when I'm driving. If I see another driver on the road who is just being a general pain in the butt to everyone else, either by driving really fast, tailgating, constantly changing lanes - you know, just generally being a bad driver. When I see a driver like this, I LOVE driving them insane on the road.

I got to play this game today. There was a guy driving up one of the busiest streets in Fredericton during a pretty busy time. He's driving a huge SUV and swerving back and forth between lanes, trying desperately to get a couple of feet ahead.

Perfect. My kind of annoying driver.

First chance I got, I cut him off. Then I drove painfully slow in front of him, while keeping pace with the car in the next lane so that he couldn't possibly get past us. He was losing it. I was extremely happy about this.

Steve and I pull off the road into our exit to the mall. High fives all around

Saw the crazy driver in the mall a few minutes later.

Clearly, he must have been in a HUGE hurry.

A Piece of My Childhood

2010-06-22T10:30:00.004-03:00

Not all that long ago, my parents really started cleaning out their basement so that they can use it. See, the basement was always filled with boxes of things belonging to my sister and I. A few at a time, my parents were dropping off these boxes of forgotten treasures. Now I have a full basement of boxes.

Among these treasures were a lot of books I had forgotten about. I have so many books it's almost embarrassing. In more recent years, I've tried to cut down on the amount I bring into the house, now refusing to purchase novels and other books I'm only going to look at once. This only makes sense to me, since it helps reduce clutter and the requirement to store these books, and getting them from the library saves me money. Win, win.

Back to my original story... amongst the boxes from my parents I found some of my most favourite books, including my 15 volume set of Charlie Brown 'Cyclopedias, written circa 1980. I loved these books. I read every single one cover to cover when I was around the age of 8. I was a very anxious kid, and reading seemed to help me escape my anxiety, so books like this that made me think and learn were perfect for me.

Now here's the sad part of the story... upon further investigation, I realized I was missing one of my beloved 'cyclopedias. Volume 8, the one about the stars and planets. I was devastated. I called my mom to tell her of my plight and to ask her where she had originally obtained these literary gems. She seemed to think she may have collected them one at a time from a local grocery store or something. She suggested I check eBay for a replacement.

Why didn't I think of that? I'm the IT professional in the family and didn't think to use modern technology to get what I want?!? Clearly, this indicates that I'm in the wrong profession.

I log onto eBay and lo and behold - my Charlie Brown 'Cyclopedia Volume 8, featuring Stars and Planets, for $3.99 USD. YES! I ended up buying it for $3, plus $5 shipping. I couldn't be happier. Thank you eBay!

I cannot wait to read the entire set all over again. It's funny how something like that can bring back such good feelings. Thanks for the 'cyclopedias Mom. Sorry for causing you and Dad so much grief being such an anxious kid - that couldn't have been easy to deal with.

What books did you love as a kid?

These are a few of my favourite things

2010-06-18T21:29:00.002-03:00

I'm not usually one to blog about the particulars of my day, but today was a day when I did a lot of my favourite things, so I'm going to share.

I got up nice and early today, around 6.15am or so. I made coffee for Steve and I. This is a big deal. I'm never the one who makes the coffee - I'm always the one still in bed. Making the coffee in the morning really makes me feel good.

I worked half the day. Working half a day is great. I think 4 hours is the perfect length for a workday. It's enough to make you not get entirely fed up. It's been a bit of a rough week at work this week, so I welcomed the short day today.

I made the BEST lunch for Stephen and I today. I got home before he did (he only worked half the day today too), so I made lunch. Making coffee AND lunch in one day for both of us is a VERY good day. We dined on ciabatta paninis filled with roasted chicken breast (real chicken, not the sliced deli stuff), asparagus, roasted red peppers, goat cheese, and herbed mayo (made with fresh basil and parsley from our herb garden). They were delicious.

After lunch, we decided on a kayak. It was 30C here today, but the river we chose to paddle is nice and shady, so we packed some water and went. It was gorgeous. Usually we see some beaver, which slap the river with their tails and put on quite a show. Today we saw a fisherman, and came upon two men and a dog on a bit of an island with a radio and a cooler full of beer. We stopped to chat for a minute. Nice guys.

Stephen barbecued for dinner - we had T-Bones and Caesar salad. Very delicious. Samson got the remains of my steak with his dinner, about half of it. He was a very happy puppy.

I know what you're thinking - how can she possibly fit any more good into this day, it's near perfect.

I'll tell you how - go to a garden centre! I LOVE garden centres! I managed to get out having only bought the following: 2 fuschia hanging baskets, 2 boxes of seed tape, pumpkin starters, a ground cherry starter, and a glass hummingbird feeder - all for under $60. Total. Score.

Finally, Steve took me for ice cream. He knows this is really the way to my heart. I over-indulged with a scoop of Dark Chocolate Shiver and a scoop of Chocolate Peanut Butter Parfait. I also tried a new kind called Gold Mine - so good. I can never find my favourite kind anymore, which is a bit sad, but I know it's out there somewhere, and I'll DIE trying to find it. ;-) If I can't find it, I'll try all the kinds I can in vain, only to be pleasantly disappointed.

Couch time before bed.

*sigh*

Today's Random Thought

2010-06-17T21:52:00.002-03:00

Why do we try to make water taste like anything other than water? If you would like to taste a peach, why don't you eat a peach?

Cranberry Orange Muffins: Orange Muffins Filled With Pretty Red Gems

2010-06-16T20:26:00.007-03:00

I love it when I discover something in the freezer that I have forgotten to use. Today I found some frozen cranberries that I bought on sale. I often pick things up on sale with the idea of using them later. Sometimes I forget to do that. Luckily, today was one of those days.

Cranberries are a gorgeous fruit. They're so pretty, you almost want to put them on some tiny hooks and wear them as earrings. Today I chose to put them in muffins.

I'm still thinking about the earrings though.

Cranberry Orange Muffins

2 Cups All-Purpose Flour
2 tsp Baking Powder
1/2 tsp Baking Soda
1/2 tsp Baking Powder
1 Large Egg
1/2 Cup Sugar
1/4 Cup Oil
1 Cup Cranberries, Chopped (I used frozen)
3/4 Cup Orange Juice (the juice of 1 large range, plus frozen concentrated orange juice to top up the 3/4 cup)
Grated Zest of One Large Orange

Preheat the oven to 400F.

Measure first 4 ingredients into large bowl. Stir. Make a well in the centre. Set aside.

Beat next 3 ingredients in medium bowl.

Add remaining 3 ingredients. Stir well. Add to well in the flour mixture. Stir until just moistened. Fill 12 greased muffin cups almost full. Bake for 15 to 20 minutes, until wooden toothpick inserted in centre of a muffin comes out clean. Let stand in pan for 5 minutes.

This is Me

2010-06-08T11:06:00.007-03:00

It's scary to be honest sometimes. But if I really want you to know me I know I have to open up a bit about who I really am. The only way to have and keep close friends is to be open to having close friends. I want to give you a glimpse into my life by telling you some things you couldn't know about me unless you were a very close friend.

I would live off pizza, burgers, ice cream, cheese, coffee, and cake, not in that order. This fact will never change.

I am late for nearly everything. If I'm not late, it's because I tried VERY hard not to be late. That's a big deal.

In my head, no one really likes me that much, like I'm alright, but I'm no one's favourite. This makes me try way too hard, and it's exhausting. I've also recently realized that it makes it very hard for me to admit that I don't like someone else, since I'm afraid I might somehow be pushing away someone who might actually like me. It's messed up.

I am a crazy animal lover. I cannot handle hearing about sick or abused animals. It is nearly impossible for me to kill an insect. I lose sleep over stories in the news that involve animal abuse. I've lost sleep over the recent oil spill and the effect it has on the animals and the ecosystems involved. I would probably collect puppies.

I've always been Dad's girl. I am pretty much a copy of him.

I love numbers and working with money. I budget like a mad woman.

My absolute favourite things to do on the weekend are bake, get outside to run/hike/geocache/swim/kayak, or read.

I don't like watching movies at home. I'm trying to get better at it.

I love graveyards. I know that may sound morbid, but it's true. I love them - they're so interesting. I love checking the names and the dates on tombstones. I visit new and interesting graveyards any chance I get.

My Mixed Tape

2010-06-04T12:06:00.006-03:00

You're driving in to work, or listening to the radio while you're cleaning the kitchen on Saturday morning, or you walk by a community car wash with students washing cars to raise money for their trip to basketball provincials. You hear a song. Instantly you're taken to...

Black Hole Sun, Soundgarden - released April 1994

I was 14 years old when this song was released. That's over half my life ago. *sigh*

The song instantly reminds me of my very best friend back then, Stewart. Stewie. Stew moved to my tiny little hometown with his mom and sister from Whitby, Ontario after his parents divorced. I was 13. He was 12. He didn't know anyone, and I needed a friend, so we were a perfect pair.

Stew and I were inseparable. We had a couple more friends we did stuff with too. But he was at my house almost every single day, and if we weren't together we were on the phone. We played volleyball, went to the arcade, to the beach, or just hung out listening to music and watching TV. He was a crazy good soccer player, and I remember watching the World Cup with him. I even bought a World Cup t-shirt to let people know how cool I was because I was paying attention to World Cup soccer and I knew all about it.

That summer was one of the best summers I can remember. I was so happy. It was like 3 months of my life lit up during a time I remember as being very dark otherwise. I felt comfortable and accepted. For a little while I didn't worry about how pudgy I was, or how I wasn't good enough for the group of girls I had tried being friends with, but never really belonged to. It was like it was just our little group of friends, and Stewart and I, two people who didn't belong to anyone else, who somehow belonged with each other. That summer brought new friends and new feelings and it was awesome.

I started high school that fall, which meant that Stewart and I would be going to different schools. He would stay with our friends Natalie, Justin, and Nick while I would move on to another school with our friend Diana. Naturally, Stewart and I didn't see as much of each other anymore. Diana and I had a complete falling out over something completely foolish (as 14 years old tend to do), and it began years of agony for me, being harassed by she and her friends.

Stew became a chef (my dream). Until recently, he worked at the restaurant across the street from my office. I'd see him every once in a while after work, while walking to my car. I loved those rare moments, just because I got to say hi to him. We never stayed as close after that summer, but I still feel the same way when I see him. I just wanted to run right over to him and give him a great big hug, and say "Remember when...". And we'd laugh. Then laugh some more.

He recently moved west to continue his career out there with Justin (mentioned above, also became a chef). I hope he finds everything he's ever wanted somewhere out there, he deserves every bit of it, plus.

I miss 1994, but I still have brief visits with Stewart every time I hear Chris Cornell droning on, "Black hole sun, won't you come...".

I still have a hat that was his too, packed away in a box. Maybe I'll post a picture of it later. And maybe I'll send him an email, just to say hi.

As for Diana, she apologized to me a few years ago for all the grief she put me through back then. I'm now friends with her and a lot of the friends she enlisted to help torture me back then. Life's so funny sometimes.

You know what else is funny? I just realized that today is one of those friends' birthdays. That's like Twilight Zone weird.

What's one of the songs on your mixed tape?

10 Universal Truths

2010-06-03T12:58:00.004-03:00

The beautiful thing about blogging is that you can say whatever you want, and people can choose to read it or not. Today I thought I should share with you, my dedicated readers, ten universal truths that I live by, or some advice, if I may. I really hope this aren't too harsh, but then again, you are under no obligation to care about them anyway.

1. There is zero point in drinking empty calories. Zero. Things like sugared soda, "juice" that isn't juice like Tang, and Kool Aid. All useless. I won't even get into why they're not only useless, but extremely counter productive. I'm sure we all know why.

2. You never put hand soap that smells like food in your bathroom. Why should your bathroom smell like a latte? Seriously.

3. You should never, EVER cut off or pull out in front of a driver that clearly has somewhere to be if you do not. Nothing is more infuriating than getting cut off by someone who plans on driving very slowly in front of you.

4. Never choose fake entertainment over real entertainment. I'm saying this, and I don't even think I'm that great with people, and would often choose to be alone over socializing. If someone asks you to go for coffee, but you're hesitating because you'll miss a favourite television show, get real. Don't be an arse, go for coffee, even if you don't want to. What if you never get the chance to go with that person ever again? Will that episode of The Bachelorette have been worth it?

5. Every single one of your favourite foods can be made into a salad, a healthier alternative. Think about it.

6. Never let meat go to waste. Something had to DIE for that, you know. Honour that animal by using it's life to do good for your life.

7. Don't buy things you know you'll never consume or use. We all have that internal dialogue with ourselves when we reach for that grocery item on the shelf, or go to the cash to pay for a shirt. You KNOW whether or not you're wasting money right at that moment, don't you? Why are you buying things wastefully? Why do we take free samples we have no intention of using?

8. Go to your library. Libraries may not be around forever, and they're such a wonderful resource. And free. Something fabulous and free.

9. Supporting local endeavours is always good. We plant a garden every year, and it is really hard work. Farmers work very hard to produce what they do, so we shouldn't take that for granted. If you get a chance, visit a local farm, or plant a small garden, and you'll see what I mean. The good news for farmers is that I'm sure they get a lot of satisfaction from doing what they do. It's pretty amazing stuff. I know there's nothing like the feeling we get from using our own produce in the kitchen. That's pretty cool.

10. Try to believe that there is more good in the world than bad. There is. Give people the benefit of the doubt when you might not normally do that. You might be pleasantly surprised.

Gratitude: Day 1

2010-06-02T23:20:00.003-03:00

I went running at lunch time today, and just as I was getting on the trail, I saw my cousin running just a few feet away from me. I yell a hello to him, thinking he'd just keep going. When he said he was going one direction, I purposefully said I was going in the opposite direction, hoping he wouldn't suggest running together. I was wrong, he suggested he run my route with me.

Please understand that I'm not always a complete bitch, and that I'm a nice person for the most part. I just like doing things alone. A lot. I was petrified that he wanted to come with me, partly because this is one of those social situations that generally make me nervous, making small talk with a cousin I haven't talked to in months, and partly because he's a great runner, a regular runner, a fast runner. I knew this would be difficult.

It was difficult. There's really no sugar coating it. I thought I may die at least 3 times in the 18 minutes it took us to run 3.25K.

It was nice. We had a really great chat and I just got a great feeling while we were out there. He's my family, and I love him. He'll always be my family and he'll always feel a bit like home to me.

I'm thankful I met him on the trail today. I'm thankful he changed his route to come with me. I'm thankful for feelings that hit you on a random day, doing a random activity, that make you feel fuzzy on the inside.

Love ya Trav. Thanks again for the run today.

Running with Yoda

2010-06-01T21:20:00.007-03:00

Oh. My. Lanta.

My body hurts all over. We put in the majority of this year's garden this past weekend (pics to follow, once it stops raining here) and I tried a new weight loss yoga video yesterday. Ow. Yeah, yoga hurts.

I skipped my run today too. I had the WORST day at work today (the WORST), I'm sore, and it was cold and rainy. Yeah, I know, I'm an inspiration.

Had a conversation with a friend of mine yesterday. She's a runner, she lives in another city, so we have to chat online if we want to have any kind of ongoing discussion these days. When I hit her up for a chat, usually to ask her questions about running she could answer in her sleep, I always feel like I'm driving her insane with boredom, so I try to avoid doing that. I'm sure most of you can guess who she is.

I chatted this friend up yesterday with a couple of training questions, as I'm now hoping to train for a half, but would like to try running a couple more 10K races in the meantime. In all actuality, this is usually when I quit something. Once I've accomplished a goal like my 10K race last weekend, I come down hard. I'm hoping to break the pattern this time.

This whole coming down hard thing is real for me and I know it. I've been waiting for it to get here actually. Tomorrow's the day I figure out whether or not I'm going to let it happen again. This is exactly why I scoffed at her when my friend said to me, "People are proud of you for running that race, you're an inspiration".

I'm going to address this concept of "inspiration" right now. I'm no inspiration. I trained for one race and I ran it. Big. Flippin'. Deal. Anyone can do that. Oprah did it - she trained for one freakin' marathon. One marathon, a single race. She's not runnin' no marathons anymore. Now the contestants on The Biggest Loser run a marathon. Ugh. I hate how these things make it seem like running a marathon just ain't no thang.

Running a marathon is a thang, a big thang. I'm not inspired by the people who run one marathon, or one race of any kind. I'm inspired by people like my friend Mouser, who has continued training and racing for a few years now, continually. That's inspiration. It takes a lot to keep doing this. It's stressful to put your body through running training. Geez, Marie just ran two half marathons in in eight days! Eight days! That's inspiration. She's the one who makes me want to put my shoes on everyday and get out there on the trail. I take her, my own little Yoda, running with me every time I go. I want to have that kind of work ethic and that kind of drive. I want it, just like she has it. I want it, long-term. I'm going to have it too.

When I finally run my marathon, that will be inspirational. That will be the result of a lot of training, a lot of frustrating days, a few tears, and a few pairs of spent running shoes.

One race does not a runner make. One dedicated runner, on the other hand...

The 'Before' Bucket List, and the 'After' Bucket List

2010-05-28T21:54:00.005-03:00

Let's talk about death for a minute or two. Don't like talking about death? Does it make you uncomfortable? If so, you might want to wait for tomorrow's post then.

Alright, is the room clear of those who are hoping we all live forever and/or those who don't want to think about the fact that we don't?

Good. Let's go then.

We were driving on the highway to my parents' house today and on that highway were crosses marking places where people have died in various accidents over the years. My friend Tommy's memory is commemorated on that highway by a cross. The 7th anniversary of his death was last month. He was one of the best people I'd ever known, bar none.

The crosses on the highway got me thinking. I'm not the least bit afraid of dying, not even a little bit. I think there are lots of great things to look forward to after I kick the bucket. We should be making 'Before' bucket lists, and 'After' bucket lists. It also made me realize that even in death, I'm going to be a bit particular about what I want:

1. If I die in an accident on a highway, I DO NOT want anyone to place a cross where I passed to commemorate my memory. I think that it is fine for those who have done that for a family member that has passed, but I don't want anyone doing it for me. I don't want those who love me to be forever reminded of where I took my last breath on this earth. I also don't want anyone to have to care for this "monument" so that it doesn't lose it's luster over the years. And in all honesty, it would hurt my feelings even in death to watch the monument diminish over time because no one still cares for it.

2. When I die, I would like my body to be used in the best way possible, all of it. If the death of my body can breathe new life into someone else's, I think that's a wonderful thing. Imagine all of the lives that can be changed that way, and the ripple effect. It's just phenomenal. I'll smile down from Heaven at that. Oh, and you can just cremate whatever is left over.

3. If you'd like to cry when I die, I'm not going to tell you not too. I think that's completely unreasonable. I think it's important to cry. I mean, think about how many people get messed up because they weren't allowed to cry, or were told not to cry. I'm not contributing to that kind of emotional catastrophe. That nastiness can seep into generations of non-emotionally-traumatized people.

4. I'd really like to have a say in what will be served at my funeral reception. Typically, where I'm from, this includes a myriad of little sandwiches and pickles, followed by little cookies and tea. I'm OK with a lot of that, since I know this is pretty customary. At the very least though, I'd like the following sandwiches to be served: asparagus, ham and cheese, and PB and jam. And funeral pickles - gherkins. That's what I'd like if we have to stick to the customary stuff.

If I really had my choice of food at my funeral reception, we'd eat the following: corn on the cob with blue cheese butter, grilled eggplant sandwiches with goat cheese on rye, cheese paninis, margherita pizza, smores, and cake and ice cream. All in copious amounts. Among other things. Food is just too delicious to be limited, especially if it's the meal AFTER your last meal.

So there, now you know. Don't you think about your death?

Foods and Their Stupid Sounds

2010-05-27T14:39:00.004-03:00

Holy monkey, I'm ornery today. For no obvious reason though. Isn't that always the way?

There's something you should know about me. The thing that drives me the most batty in the universe is having to listen to someone else eat. I can't stand the chewing sounds. Usually at lunch time, I have to get away from the other eaters, for fear of having to listen to them crunch and smack and spit their way to fullness.

I just can't listen to the sounds - my neighbour continually scraping the bottom of his yogurt container for the last little stripe of creamy goodness at the bottom; the granola bar wrapper that someone refuses to take their whole granola bar out of, but instead chooses to take one piece out at a time, over the course of what seems like 7 hours, so I get to listen to every single crinkle that wrapper makes; slurping of hot coffee; the person next door who crunches 17 pounds of raw vegetables between the hours of 1pm and 4pm.

Gah!

Crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch, slurp <-- my co-worker eating an apple
Slurp, slurp, thump <-- another co-worker drinking coffee and putting down their mug
Scrape, scrape, scrape, scrape, scrape, *pause*, scrape, scrape, scrape, *pause*, scrape, scrape, scrape <-- isn't that freakin' yogurt gone yet?!?

Today, things that normally don't bother me are driving me insane. Yeah, I know we all gotta eat - I get it. I eat too.

There it is again, crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch, slurp, thump.

Is it time to go home yet?

If you get a chance...

2010-05-26T22:23:00.004-03:00

Swing on over to Ang's blog and enter for a chance to win a box of Honey Bars! These bars are delicious! I don't know how she managed to do it, but she shared one with me, and I've wanted another ever since. :-(

On To The Next One

2010-05-26T14:25:00.007-03:00

Ah Jay-Z, how I love you...

I think I've finally come down from the high that was Bluenose Weekend 2010. As I'm sure most of you know, I ran my maiden 10K race this past Sunday. I wore bib #3943, and crossed the finish line with a chip time of 1:06:03, a few minutes under my goal of 1:10:00. That puts me at 305 out of the 469 females between the ages of 30 and 39, and 926 out of the 1460 females who ran the race. I'm pleased.

It was a great weekend too. I got to meet a lot of fantastic ladies - Niffer (my newest partner in crime who also took on the 10K), Jaime, Angie, Lynn, Tash, Jen, Cat, Les, and Lex. I also got to spend some time with my favourite Mouse, who was brave enough to tackle the half-marathon and Serpentine Hill.

Now I'm wondering what to do next. Foolishly, I've reached out for my next training program, a half-marathon. Am I insane? We'll see in the fall.

A Post Long-Overdue: Winnipeg

2010-05-24T20:52:00.009-03:00

It's been hard for me to gather my thoughts into a post about my trip to Winnipeg. I get a little emotional about it.

I visited Winnipeg last month to visit some close friends. I'm happy I can call them close friends since I've been there.

I haven't been the same since that trip.

I knew Jan and Lisa are two very special ladies, but I had no idea how great they really are until they shared their lives with me for those few days - honestly, some of the happiest days I had had in a quite a while. They opened up their hearts and their homes to a few of us that weekend.

I had the pleasure of staying with Jan during my visit, in her home. There's something to be said about staying at someone's home. It's something that makes you somehow closer to them, it's a glimpse into their life that you can't get otherwise. It's something that lets you know how they live their private life.

Staying with Jan only reinforced what I already knew about her - that she's warm, funny, generous to a fault, comforting, playful, and supportive. Those gorgeous blue eyes of hers are windows to a beautiful, beautiful soul. I felt so at home that I could have been sitting in my own living room and wouldn't have known the difference. We were able to share many comfortable silences, rare moments between friends. Since I've left, I've longed to share a morning coffee with her, out of a Tinkerbell mug in our pyjamas on her couch. It is the best coffee I've ever had. I know I can never find beans to make that kind of coffee.

Jan's family was nothing but wonderful, and I felt completely welcome while I stayed with them. I am very thankful to them for being so kind and giving.

While Jan was kind enough to host me, Ms. Lisa was hosting the lovely JMegs.

Lisa is a lady that can only be described as elegant, fiery, talented, and vivacious. For those of you who may not know her or know her well, you may not immediately realize the size of this woman's heart. She has enough heart for a hundred people - it's overwhelming. She organized us, drove us around, and cooked for all of us at her home - all the while looking after everyone else in her life. And damn that woman can light a fire!

Lisa's that person who is there for you before you know you need her. She's beautiful and I'm extremely lucky to have her in my life.

The weekend was a whirlwind of laughter, fun, exploring, kinship, and surprises.

We ate well, we drank well, and we shared ourselves. And cake, we shared a LOT of cake. ;-)

Thanks to Jan, Ken, The Kiddo, Lisa, Megan, Jocelyn, Adrian, Vanessa, Joni, Tamara, Jodie at Rock Road Tattoo (who is fabulous), Shelley, and all others that I had the opportunity to spend time with during my stay.

I hope to have the chance to repay all of you for your kindnesses. You will always have a tiny Easterner in your back pocket when you need her.

My trip to Winnipeg may have lasted only a few days, but the memories are on my heart forever. Cake, rye bread, scarves, Chucks, wine, chocolate for breakfast, Jan's award for "Best Actress in a Spider Roll", and lip gloss...

That's No Coincidence

2010-05-18T21:38:00.003-03:00

There was an interesting thread on the GDT today about running with a runny nose. A hilarious conversation ensued about what exactly you should or shouldn't do while running, so as not to be "gross". I'm sorry, but I don't really care much about what I do with my runny nose while I'm running, and I said so.

The experience I had during tonight's run was no coincidence.

It was hot here today, so I avoided running. I wasn't going to go at all, but that's just not in my character, so off I went after the heat had subsided a bit.

I figured I'd stick close to home for my run tonight, since I was just going to take it easy and didn't plan on going far. I somehow forget though that I live on a cliff, and hills abound. That's OK, I'm only taking my time anyway, right? Off I go.

I realize at about the half way point that I'm already completely exhausted (due to the heat and hills), and that I'm being swarmed by blackflies. That's OK, I'm over halfway and on my way home, right? Suuure. Until a blackfly flies into my mouth and down my throat. Immediately, I start gagging. I proceed to move to the side of the road where I gag and cough and hack while hunched over the ditch, with cars passing and watching me the whole time. So much for worrying about a runny nose.

I couldn't shake the idea and the feeling of the blackfly in my throat. I gagged and hacked a lot more when I got home. Nice.

Having said all that, do you think they should post signs like this on running trails?

It's Just Around This Corner

2010-05-13T21:49:00.005-03:00

Am I a runner?

I've realized recently that I've made a pretty dramatic switch in terms of my attitude towards running. For me, running used to be the way I could burn calories the fastest. Period. I might have looked forward to a run once in a blue moon, but those times were few and far between, and certainly weren't often enough to develop much of a love for running.

In May 2007, I was asked to run a 5K race with an acquaintance. I was extremely apprehensive, but reluctantly said that I would run with her. I didn't prepare, although I had no idea I could have prepared anymore than I had before the race. I wasn't ready, neither physically nor emotionally.

I don't want to blow this out of proportion. A 5K race isn't an insurmountable distance for a beginning runner, by any means. A 5K race is something that many random people off the street could run on a good day. It is funny though, how something so small can do so much damage.

Here I am, exactly three years later, still dealing with that 5K race. Isn't that funny?

About two months ago, I was asked by a friend of mine, a very good friend, if I were interested in racing another race. I jumped at the chance, partly because I needed incentive to get running more often and partly because I really wanted to catch the elusive running dragon. I wanted to "get" it. I wanted to do more than run a mindless 5K on the treadmill. I wanted to put that 5K demon behind me.

My 10K race is in less than two weeks now. I've really tried to prepare this time, the right way. I've been diligent and dedicated and anal and curious. I've been frustrated and sore and confused and anxious. Did I mention that I've been sore? Oh, and annoying. I've been annoying too. My apologies.

Will I finish this race? Absolutely. Will I meet my goal? I can't be sure.

Will I put that 5K demon behind me? I already have.

I can see the dragon's tail in the distance.

Last Full Week of Training for the Bluenose

2010-05-11T10:50:00.003-03:00

Today marks the first training run of the last full week of training before the Bluenose.

This is how this week's training looks:

Today - 8K steady run
Wed - 8K tempo
Thurs - 5K steady
Fri - Off
Sat - 6K steady
Sun - 13K LSD

Of all of them, tonight's and tomorrow's tempo run make me the most nervous. 8K still seems like a pretty long run to me to run on a regular evening, although I know that's all in my head. As far as tomorrow's goes, it's another 8K and it's a tempo run, which I've never run before. That should be interesting.

Ahhh Friday, My Old Friend

2010-05-07T15:58:00.004-03:00

I don't say this often, but thank goodness it's finally Friday. Not that this week was particularly crappy or anything, but I'm just really happy to see the weekend.

I just wanted to say that I'm really proud of myself this week. I've put more kilometers on these little legs than I ever have in a week before - 33 kms to be exact. And the fact that I'm still alive is a total bonus. The calorie burn isn't too shabby either.

The 10K race is now just two weeks away. I realized early this week that I had been following a not-so-great training schedule from the Running Room to train for this race. Thank goodness Mousie put me on the straight and narrow (and long and hilly) path. I hope it's not too late to save this training effort or this race. I guess we'll see in a couple of weeks. Thanks Mousie.

The View from the Back Deck

2010-05-03T21:08:00.002-03:00

My Running Freak Out

2010-05-03T10:13:00.003-03:00

I hate having a run like that - I just HATE it!

I started out feeling fantastic, like really really good, and I thought, "this will be an easy run for sure, it'll take no time". Those thoughts soon turned to, "I can't do this, I can't run a 10K, I'm so slow, this is embarrassing". It just got worse from there.

So I know I can run 10K. Geez, I'll make it through somehow, it's only 10K. Will I be able to finish in a respectable time? I doubt it. This just makes me not want to run it at all. I'm just going to be embarrassed, and I just can't handle that.

As a matter of fact, nothing's going right right now. Nothing. I'm eating well, but not losing weight, so I'm carrying around at least an extra 10lbs for no good reason. I'm getting more and more frustrated about eating well and not losing.

I'm honest to goodness following a training program for a 10K and have been for weeks now, and I'm not getting any better. I'm a slow runner and I hate it.

This just isn't fair.

Diggin' Up Bones

2010-03-20T22:19:00.003-03:00

I've recently been digging as much as I can into my genealogy. I've no idea what made me do this. I've done some good work and got further on some of the branches than we did before. I think tomorrow I'll go find some graves in my hometown, in the hopes for a new lead or two.

I've been thinking a lot though, about what I'll be leaving behind for people to find when I die. It will be so much different for future generations to research family history, so much easier.

Thinking about the idea that someone down the line from me might want to know something about my life has made me realize that it's going to be important to leave more than just data and statistics behind.

What kinds of stories do you want future generations to hear about you?

Won't You Join Me for Dinner?

2010-03-09T16:26:00.004-04:00

I read something interesting last night and it got me thinking. Think along with me, please.

Let's pretend you're coming to my house for dinner. Wouldn't that be nice? But there's a stipulation. We must also pretend that we both eat the way I would eat if I were alone and binging. How would this go? Let's open the refrigerator door and just stare in at the contents on the shelves. Should I open a couple of tupperware containers with leftovers in them, sniff them really hard, then pick a couple of pieces of food out of them with my fingers before I pass them to you? Maybe we could each eat a couple of scoops of ice cream right out of the carton? There are some stale crackers in the cupboard we could dip into a jar of salsa. And there's a frozen cake in the freezer we could stab at with a butter knife until a chunk falls off. What do you think? Is this how I eat when I'm all alone? Shouldn't we just be civilized about it and pull a chair right up to the refrigerator?

What does it look like when you eat alone? Would you let me come over to eat with you?

Back to Business

2010-02-12T09:38:00.002-04:00

Today is the first day of normalcy for me in forever. I'm making sure it's going to stay that way.

It's been a very strange couple of weeks, and it continues to be really strange. But this is life, and we don't have the luxury of being able to shut down when things get tough. So I'm standing up today, ready for it. I have my morning latte here to help me.

Here goes nothin'...

It's So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesteday

2010-01-29T06:07:00.002-04:00

Earworm, sorry.

I'm not sure if anyone can tell this, but it's just after 6am in New Brunswick and I'm wide awake, blogging. That alone should give you some indication of where I am mentally. I've already been awake for an hour.

This has been a very strange week for me. It's like I've gone back in time eight years.

First a chat and email from a very old friend, and then last night.

I got a surprising email yesterday from an old friend of mine with whom I went to university. He and his wife were coming into town for the evening and were getting together with a group of friends of ours whom I hadn't seen in years. I hadn't even seen him since we graduated from school. Ryan, I know you'll never read this, but I really hope it doesn't take six years next time.

Seeing old friends is always good, and always a bit sad. Ryan didn't actually expect me to show up, and when I did he was so pleasantly surprised, it just warmed my heart. Around the tables, I saw so many familiar yet unfamiliar faces. It makes me sad that I live in the same city as many of these people and didn't even know it.

People are never quite the way you remember them if you don't see them often enough. On the rare occasions when I do run into an old friend, am I the only one who just wants to grab them and hug them close, in the hopes that it will light a tiny flame under all of our old memories and somehow take us back to a forgotten moment, if even for a minute?

I dreamed of one of these old friends last night, one I haven't seen in years. We had a falling out and we stopped speaking. We didn't make amends before he rode off into the sunset to continue living his life. Now we'll never make amends and my heart aches for that to happen. He is someone who was so close to me, then suddenly gone. It truly makes my heart hurt.

There are so many other friends who weren't there last night, at least not physically, but talking about them really stirred up a lot of emotion for me. They might as well have been there, as far as my heart is concerned.

Take some time today to contact an old friend, or a friend you don't get to see as often as you'd like to, or someone you don't think you still have a relationship with. Give them that feeling of a reminiscent hug; try to rebuild a bridge that burned a long time ago.

We might not always have these chances.

And on a Side Note

2010-01-25T16:27:00.003-04:00

Picture of us taken by my friend Vaughana (in the background) on Saturday night at the Blue Rodeo concert:

The New Plan

2010-01-25T14:12:00.004-04:00

Since Saturday I've been giving some serious thought to how I'm going to get stronger, faster. Circuit training. It's not easy, and it's not always fun, but it works, and I'm going to do it.

I am currently a member of Jillian Michaels' online plan (for another month) and I'm really going to take advantage of the resources. Jillian's plan outlines workouts to do each day of the week (including two rest days). They're tough workouts, but I'm gonna bet they get results.

Here's today's workout (in case you're following along):

Warm Up/Prep: at least 5 minutes of your choice

Circuit 1:
Close-Grip Push-Up (2 sets of 15)
One-Leg Squat (2 sets of 15)
Mountain Climbers (2 sets of 1 minute)

Circuit 2:
Dumbbell Chest Fly (2 sets of 15)
King Squat (2 sets of 15)
Mountain Climbers (2 sets of 1 minute)

Circuit 3:
Bench Dip (3 sets of 15)
Lateral Leg Raises (3 sets of 15)
Jumping Jacks (3 sets of 1 minute)

Circuit 4:
Anterior Shoulder Raise (2 sets of 15)
Weighted Crunch (2 sets of 15)
Jumping Jacks (2 sets of 1 minute)

Circuit 5:
Dumbbell Triceps Extension (3 sets of 15)
Scissors (3 sets of 15)
Jumping Jacks (3 sets of 1 minute)

Cool Down: 5 minutes

Wish me luck.

Boo on Fitness Assessments

2010-01-23T12:40:00.003-04:00

Paid a visit to the gym this morning for my appointment for a general fitness assessment. I tried to time it so that I would be doing it around the time of beginning of the X-Weighted challenge, as well as the beginning of the "Don't Stop Believing" challenge we're doing on the WW boards.

Snap! Rude awakening much?

Here's how it went:

~ First Dan took my measurements:
~ Weight: 142.5 lbs
~ Body Fat Percentage: 27.9% (normal range is between 20-28%)
~ Fat Weight: 40 lbs
~ Lean Weight: 102.5 lbs
~ Based on this, my BMR is about 1230 calories/day
~ Shoulders: 41.5"
~ Arm: 10.75" (R), 10.5" (L)
~ Chest: 36" (sad, isn't it?)
~ Waist: 30.5"
~ Hips: 39.5"
~ Thigh: 22.75" (R), 22.75 (L)

~ Then we got into the good stuff, the fitness test stuff:
~ 5 minutes on the recumbent bike to get my VO2 Max, which was 38.7. He rated this as very good, but my sources tell me otherwise.
~ Push-up test: Do as many push-ups as you can for 1 minute. I did 31 or 32 (on my toes, he gave me the choice)
~ Sit-up test: Do as many as you can in 1 minute, all the way up and all the way down. I think I got just under 30. They were zero fun, zero. And a bit surprising.
~ Wall Sit Test: Wall sit for as long as you can at a perfect 90 degree angle. I got just a couple seconds over 2 minutes, which he said was really good. Most people don't make it past a minute - they give up more mentally than physically. He said he's actually seen one person get 5 minutes! What?!?

~ Then we did a circuit (3 times):
~ Walking lunges across the gym and back (I did 13 each way)
~ Kettle bell deadlifts (1 minute)
~ Tricep dips (1 minute)
~ Suspended Knee Pull-ups (10 of them)
~ Spider man kicks *hold plank and bring knees up to elbows, one at a time* (20 of them)

And then I was pretty tired.

My results: I suck in terms of physical strength, but I have pretty good cardio endurance. So more circuit training and weight lifting, which I figured would be the case.

If I lose 9.5 lbs, and increase my lean muscle mass over the next 12 weeks, I should be able to reach my goal. That would mean 10 lbs less of body fat, being exchanged for 6 lbs more of lean muscle mass, ie. a weight of 133 lbs. That's 3 lbs less than what I was shooting for, so we'll see how it goes.

Then I got on the step machine for a while. *sigh*

Thinking of Taking a Break

2010-01-22T15:02:00.002-04:00

I think I need a break, from everything. I don't know why this happens to me sometimes, but it does. I always come out a bit shinier on the other side.

There's one small difference this time though. Usually I withdraw completely into myself, but I'm not going to go it alone this time. I'm tired of not feeling close to anyone, alone, and less than adequate. I'm going to try surrendering myself to the people closest to me, whom I should trust without question, and who love me.

I'm tired of trying to be what other people want me to be. I don't need their negative energy bringing me down and causing me to question how I feel and who I am. I'm done with that. I'm just fine, thank you very much.

So if you don't see me around the usual haunts, don't be alarmed. I'm not far.

But if you do see me, I miss you, and I love you.

Interesting Article

2010-01-19T20:44:00.003-04:00

Read an interesting article about the food trends of the last decade on CBC. Here are some of them:

Allergies: Rising awareness about food allergies and disorders such as celiac disease forced chefs to adapt, says chef John Higgins, head of Toronto's George Brown College culinary school. But, he notes, the great chefs rose to the challenge. "It's mind over matter," he says.

My take on it: It's unbelievable how much restaurants and chefs will accommodate you now. You can ask for nearly anything and they know how to prepare it the way you need it. I think this is a huge step in the right direction. It also makes life so much easier for people with allergies and food intolerances. The variety and ingredient substitutions are almost endless. Awesome!

Portion control: Gone are the days when Sunday brunch equals a large buffet, says Higgins. Nowadays it's more common to find people ordering individual plates, which he adds is much more "normal dining experience."

My take on it: While I like the way they've presented this and I do think that it's good that we're moving away from the buffet mentality, portion control has introduced an entirely new beast, the 100-calorie pack. I loathe the thinking behind the 100-calorie pack. While I can't argue the fact that they are convenient and do present people with a reasonable portion of that particular food, I see them as a stepping stone on the path to healthy eating. A person will not be able to say they are in full control until they no longer need the 100-calorie pack and they can bring home the real deal. Besides, the added packaging is not very green.

Blending sweet and savoury: The mix of flavours took off in kitchens and store-bought goods alike. "Salted caramels and bacon-flavoured chocolates are de rigeur at chocolatiers and coffee houses," says McCauley.

My take on it: Hmmm... what else is there? Chocolate covered bacon, chocolate covered pretzels, peppered strawberries, any more that I'm missing? I love sweet savoury combinations!

Convenience: "We have wanted more and wanted it faster since World War II, when our housewives became Rosie the Riveters," said McCauley. "Convenience is still king." Today it takes the form of prewashed and cut vegetables, frozen desserts promising homemade qualities and coffee drive-thrus.

My take on it: My favourite convenience foods include bagged salads, pre-packaged veggies in steamer bags, fresh design-your-own salads, roast chickens at the deli...

Bubble tea: In the early part of the decade, shops devoted to the Taiwanese drink filled with tapioca pearls began popping up across North America.

My take on it: LOVE LOVE LOVE IT! I love this freaking sweet concoction! Strawberry milky slush with pearls please!

What are some food trends you're loving/hating lately?

Hey Life, you wanna give me a break for a while?

2010-01-18T22:31:00.002-04:00

I don't know if I've mentioned this to many of you (I know I've mentioned it to one of you), but I think I'm going to give up my regular Weight Watchers meeting. I just don't think I can do it anymore.

I have so much going on, I'm not even sure what to do with myself. I was back in the office today and all hell broke loose, like it does EVERY SINGLE DAY. I'm tired of it, and I'm exhausted. I was informed this morning that I am working tomorrow evening and on the weekend. Great. Welcome back. I forgot that my life belongs to all of you.

I also have my Weight Watchers meeting tomorrow night after my first 8 hours at the office.

Tomorrow will go something like this:
~ Wake up, get ready, take dog to daycare, get to the office by 8.30am
~ Get something ready for the weekend's work
~ Lunch *sigh*
~ Continue to work on the weekend's stuff
~ Run up to the hospital to visit gramma post-surgery (which I'm pretty anxious about)
~ Get to my WW meeting early so I can prepare the meeting ahead of time
~ Run my meeting, which is always chaos and runs late (through no fault of my own)
~ Snack, so I don't eat my arm off?
~ Go back to the office, work for another couple of hours if I get off lucky
~ Home for dinner circa 9.30pm

This entire situation is just no fun. It's constant chaos for me. It's not fair to me anymore, and it's definitely not fair to Stephen and the puppers. I'm out of the house at least 4 out of 5 weeknights during the week. That's just not right.

My meeting is the fastest growing meeting in the city and I do love my members. Besides all that, this meeting is mine and has been since it only had 3 members. I now have over 30. It will make me sad to let it go. There are lots of problems with it though. There is hardly a week that goes by that we leave the meeting on time. That just means that I get home for dinner extra late and very starving.

I just think I need more time for me and my boys. I spend too much time doing the things I think I should do and not the things that are the right things for me to do, like taking the time to look after myself.

I guess I don't know what to do. Advice?

Get Back!

2010-01-18T12:51:00.003-04:00

Back to life, back to reality... *sing it with me people*

I'm back to the office today after a wonderful and knowledgeable week in Toronto. I had such a great experience there this time. Lots of great friends, good food, walking(!), and shopping. Oh and there was that course I was on too, that was pretty cool.

Today's the day I put all of that behind me and jump back into my regular life. I'm back at the office today, back at the gym tonight, and back to everything else the rest of the time.

Am I happy about it? Sure. I mean, my life is by no means exciting, but it isn't bad either.

Am I sad about it? A bit. I don't like thinking about not seeing my friends in the big city for a while. In fact, there's nothing in the works for a future visit yet. But I'm sure it won't be long.

On a side note, I weighed in this morning for the X-Weighted challenge I signed up for. I lost 1.4lbs last week. YES!

That Was Odd

2009-11-24T21:30:00.003-04:00

Tuesday night is a crazy night for me. It's the night I lead my Weight Watchers meeting. This means that I rush from the office to my meeting, then home. I don't get home until at least 7pm.

Getting home late is a disaster for many reasons, mainly because I don't eat for a very long time before running into the house. And when I run into the house, I just want to eat ANYTHING. Disaster. Couple this with the fact that I'm taking a cake decorating course on Wednesday. This means that I bake either a cake or cupcakes on Sunday, and have to make fresh buttercream icing on Tuesday night when I get home from my meeting. All of this just leads to disaster.

But tonight, tonight was different. I was driving home and I was trying to figure out what to make for dinner. Steve and I just do what we want on our own for dinner on Tuesdays, which makes it easier, allows him to eat earlier, and also allows him to eat what he wants, which is usually hamburger helper or kraft dinner (tonight's choice was KD with lots of veggies in it - YAY Steve!).

Back to what I was saying... I was driving home trying to figure out what I would eat for dinner. I needed a protein, a starch, some veggies, and an oil. My first thought was pasta, since you can easily get all of those things in a pasta dish of some sort. But I just didn't feel like getting into a big mess in the kitchen. Then I thought... edamame!

I came home, counted out half a serving of baked tostitos, covered them in yves veggie ground chicken, some leftover sweet potato burrito filling, some BBQ sauce a la BBQ chicken nachos, some edamame, and a teaspoon of chili olive oil. Under the broiler. Served with tofu sour cream. Sooo delicious! And filling.

Luckily I only ate about a tablespoon of buttercream. That stuff's just hard to resist. Thank goodness there's only one more week of the course after tomorrow night.

Health Report

2009-11-23T16:04:00.004-04:00

I'm not sure if you've all been following my boring health issues, but for anyone who has been following, I wanted to send you the latest report.

I think I mentioned that my allergy tests came back and they indicated that I have a severe allergy to dairy. This is extremely sad news. I can live without milk and yogurt, but having to limit cheese and ice cream will be a serious challenge.

But there's a bit of a silver lining. I've decided to make compromises. This means that I will be splurging on coconut milk and soy ice cream, as well as really REALLY great cheese. The stinkiest I can find. I figure there's no more excuse to eat less-than-stellar cheese. Eating cheese won't kill me, it may just cause me acne, or it might not once the majority of the dairy is out of my system for a while. I figure a pimple now and again is a small price to pay for delicious cheese.

I've also gotten my hormone test results back. It turns out they're a bit wonky too, but not too too bad. I have a low level of progesterone and a slightly higher than normal level of testosterone. This means that I was heading down the road to PCOS. Thank goodness we caught it early! This means that what I have going on right now is completely reversible! Whew! I really consider myself lucky with this one, since PCOS means it may be difficult to conceive and carry a child to term, along with all kinds of other side effects like insulin-resistance, and the inability to lose weight.

The slightly higher than normal level of testosterone hasn't had many ill effects on my body yet, although it almost definitely played some part in my skin issues as well. And luckily again, it's not a high level, only very slightly above the normal range. I am now taking saw palmetto (an herb usually given to men to control prostate issues) to level out my testosterone production. My naturopath seems to think that taking the saw palmetto, along with zinc daily will get me back to normal in no time, probably by spring.

Thank goodness I decided to see a naturopath! I couldn't thank her enough at my last appointment. She really has changed my life. She did more for me in 3 months than my family doctor has done for me in 10 years. Phenomenal.

Hungry Days

2009-10-27T21:04:00.002-03:00

Don't you just hate those days when you feel like your leg's hollow and you're desperately trying to fill it with food?

Today is one of those days. Yes, I've had protein at every meal. Yes, I've had plenty of fruits and veggies. Yes, I've had more than 3L of water today. Have these things helped? NO!

In times like these, there's one snack I turn to for help. Popcorn. Popcorn is a low-calorie snack that you can stretch out for a while. Popcorn is actually fairly filling too. And popcorn can taste however I want it to. We have no shortage of flavourings for popcorn - shakers that taste like salt & vinegar, dill pickle, BBQ, cajun - the tiny little jars fill one shelf of our snack cupboard. Sometimes I dip my popcorn in a dip, or barbecue sauce, or salsa. Sometimes I melt peanut butter in the microwave and have it with that, or sometimes I sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on my popcorn.

Is it the best snack choice - no, but it sure is better than eating a lot of other things.

What do you eat on your "hungry days"? How do you like your popcorn?

If You Don't Like Sappy...

2009-10-26T15:53:00.004-03:00

don't lick spruce trees.

This is my post-TOI sentimental moment. A little different than my Saturday evening attempt at a sentimental moment. :-) And I don't consider myself an emotional person, but I can't hold this in.

I think this weekend really changed me. Really.

I went to Toronto thinking the weekend would be fun, but I was surprised at what it turned out to be. I spent the weekend with amazing, warm, accepting, vibrant females - something I don't have the chance to do often on such a grand scale. Any future opportunities to do so will not soon be passing me by.

Over the years my friends have thinned out as we've gone about living our lives, and I'm lonely sometimes thinking about it, and I'm sure a lot of us can relate. I can't feel the same kind of lonely today. I have a lot of new friends who feel my oldest friends. I cry thinking about it - I've teared up so many times today. Before this weekend, I didn't feel like I had a lot of close friends, but now I feel like I have a lot of great friends just within reach. I'm really sad that we can't be geographically close everyday, but that will make the times we'll see each other that much more special.

Knowing each of you online has been a real pleasure, if not a daily adventure, but meeting each of you in person has changed everything. The virtual personalities I interact with everyday have turned into vibrant women that I can now picture in my mind, and your typed words can now be matched with your expressions and mannerisms.

This weekend has renewed my faith in myself a bit too I think. I conquered a physical and psychological challenges in my two day trip. There were people climbing those stairs, young and old, all individuals from any kind of background, all striving to achieve the same goal. That's what life is about.

Now I'm ready to move on to the next challenge. I'm going to try to challenge myself more often, daily even, and I'm not going to settle for laziness or apathy quite so easily.

To the women of Toronto: I have no way to express my gratitude and appreciation to all of you, but I'll keep trying to for a long time. You made an insecure small-town girl feel at home in one of the largest cities in the world. You opened your arms to a complete stranger and gave me a warm hug that I still feel as I sit here typing this.

I left little pieces of my heart in Toronto. I brought pieces of you home with me to replace what I left.

Vegan Pizza?

2009-10-16T20:50:00.005-03:00

Yes, vegan pizza. That's what I had for dinner tonight. I can't believe I can even say that. That makes me feel good. Say it slow with me... vvveeeeeggaaaannnnnn pppiiiiizzzzzaaaaa. Mmmmmmmm....

I started with my favourite homemade pizza crust, which I make from a Moosewood recipe. It is so good, and very healthy.

I topped it with a tomato sauce, veggie pepperoni, veggie salami, peppers, onions (from our garden), vegan "cheese", and green olives. It was really quite delicious.

This weekend I'm planning on playing with tofu. I'm going to take the time to try at least two new recipes involving tofu, one of which is a vegan mayonnaise recipe. I will be posting pictures, so stay tuned!

Tofu

2009-10-15T14:24:00.005-03:00

Since getting my allergy test results last week, I'm very excited to try all of the foods I thought I was allergic to, including tofu.

Last night I tried tofu. And I liked it.

We used it in a stir fry with some scallops,lots of veggies, and a ginger sauce. It was really good! This will make it much more tolerable to be allergic to dairy, since there are lots of great things you can do with tofu.

This weekend, I'm going to make a mayonnaise substitute with it.

I also made some vegan cookies called tropical delights. I'm trying to find a substitute for the cookies of the same name I sometimes get at the Second Cup. It turns out that the original cookie is made at Nature's Own Bakery in Barrie. Neat. Anway, these cookies are soooo good - filled with papaya, pineapple, dates, oats, coconut, and cashews. My first attempt was delicious (and addictive), but not the consistency I'm looking for, so I'm going to try again, also probably this weekend. When they turn out the way I'd like, I'll definitely be posting photos!

October - The Most Glorious of Months

2009-10-09T11:27:00.004-03:00

God did wonderful work when he conceptualized October.

There isn't a single thing I don't love about October. I actually think this month defines me in some strange way. I think that people have pairings with types of everything, you know what I mean? Like there's one of every type of thing that would be our partner. Well I know without a doubt that October is my partner. I have nothing in common with March, and little in common with July. But October and I were meant to be. The colours, the weather, the seasonal foods, everything about October is perfect.

When October rolls around I get this wonderful feeling that comes about. I feel like retraining, and remembering, and rethinking, and redoing, and reminiscing. I want to get in touch with old friends, and make new friends, finish old adventures and start new adventures. October makes me want to be the very best manifestation of me. It's so cleansing.

I feel like getting in touch with old friends and boyfriends, and I feel like having girl time with my sister and my girlfriends, and I feel like being tucked inside at home with Steve and Samson. I feel like walking through the woods and making soup and pickles and tea, and other delicious treats.

I love October.

Product Review: Food for Life Rice Tortillas

2009-09-30T20:44:00.006-03:00

Tonight for dinner I had myself a Food for Life Brown Rice Tortilla. I filled it with a tuna salad.

About the Product:

Made by the same folks who make Ezekiel 4:9 sprouted grain bread. These are the first available certified Kosher, all natural, Wheat & Gluten-Free tortillas and were specifically developed to fit the needs of individuals who are looking for Wheat & Gluten Free food options. The ingredients list includes only: brown rice flour, water, tapioca flour, safflower oil, rice bran, vegetable gum, and sea salt. They are about 8" round, and there are 6 in a package.

My Verdict:

Not too shabby. They weren't a bad substitute for a regular flour tortilla.

Pros:

Nice and big for the amount of calories in each.

A good source of fibre.

Wheat, gluten, and corn-free.

Cons:

They are a bit tougher than a flour tortilla, which I guess is expected, as it is with most gluten-free products.

Well That's Pretty Cool:

Each of the tortillas are separated by a piece of parchment paper to prevent sticking.

I'm Starting to Embrace the Comprehensive Elimination Diet

2009-09-30T12:10:00.003-03:00

I posted a couple of weeks ago that my naturopath, Parissa, has put me on a comprehensive elimination diet to get me started on trying to figure out what it is I might be allergic to.

If you've even been on an elimination diet of any kind, you know it's not fun. I spent the first couple of days just wandering the organic and specialty sections of my favourite grocery stores, just looking. And feeling sorry for myself. I thought it was bad enough to avoid some foods I used to love because they weren't the healthiest of choices. Now I was tasked with trying to avoid foods I'd always known were healthy choices, specifically wheat and dairy.

While the elimination diet isn't fun to follow, it's nothing if it's not interested and an eye-opening experience. I've tried so many new, glorious and not-so-glorious products in the past couple of weeks I can't even tell you! But I'm going to try.

I'm going to start blogging about some of my new product discoveries. I hope it helps others with food sensitivities, or those who are avoiding a food for some reason.

Tonight's Meeting - Setting Goals and NSVs

2009-09-22T21:05:00.003-03:00

It appears that my meeting has become one of the more popular ones in the city. I think it's because the meeting is the earliest evening we have and the first meeting after the weekend. Not that it matters to me why it's popular, I'm just happy that it is.

Tonight's topic was about setting goals and non-scale victories. These topics are usually a bit difficult for me. For some reason when I talk about goals in my meetings, my members have nothing to say.

Clearly, they all have a goal. The only conceivable reason why they may have walked into a Weight Watchers meeting without a goal is because their doctor has coerced them into doing so. Otherwise, they have a goal, maybe not a specific goal, but a goal nonetheless.

It was important that I drive home the importance of regular goal setting to my members tonight.

I begin by asking them about their goals. I get great response from the young married couple, Angela and Kevin. They're so great - I wish I could let them know how much they enrich my meetings. They're always so upbeat and refreshing, and they're never afraid to talk in the group. Most of my other members stay clammed up.

I knew that in order to get them talking about their goals I would have to push them. So I did. I wasn't giving up this time. Goal-setting is the most important thing you can do for yourself. I asked them about short-term goals, goals they're shooting for in terms of general health goals, and vanity goals. Lo and behold, they started talking to me.

I heard, "I have a goal." *cue angelic music - LAA!* "I'm going on a cruise." Yes! A goal to shoot for! Then, "I have some new fitness goals", followed by, "I'm getting married next year." Goals, people! Goals!

For those of you who don't have a goal - find one, figure it out, and think about it all the time. Do what you need to do to keep it in the forefront of your mind. Use post-it notes, put a picture on your refrigerator, keep it in your iCal. Just do it, remember it, and think about it all the time. Change it up, keep many goals on your mind, one for today, one for this week, one for this quarter.

Don't be discouraged when you have a setback. Please remember that setbacks are part of the process. No one is perfect, and no one ever made it to a goal without a setback or two. We're human after all.

No Wheat and No Dairy

2009-09-20T16:33:00.003-03:00

Makes Tara a hungry, cranky girl.

I went to visit a naturopath on Thursday. I went because my family doctor is really dropping the ball on me, and I'm completely discouraged. Anyway, I am concerned about the acne I continually seem to fight with, as well as my elevated heart rate and ever-changing allergies.

Now I'm convinced most of this is all related. She's testing me for any allergies I really have. I've had traditional allergy testing done many times, with the pin prick test and the scratch test. She is testing me via blood sample, and I should have the results in a couple of weeks, which I'm very excited about. Then I'll finally know what is causing me issues and what isn't.

She also thinks I may be having issues with digestion. She thinks this is why I have a low B12 level. In most young people who have a low B12 level, this usually means you're missing an intrinsic factor in your stomach that is needed for the body to absorb B12. I told her I had asked my family doctor to proceed with testing to find out if this is my issue, but my family doctor refused to test me, and told me to just take a daily B12 supplement instead.

For now, the naturopath has asked me to try a diet that will allow for minimal effort by my digestive system. So no dairy, no wheat (two high-incidence allergens), and she has asked me to not eat raw fruits and vegetables, since they are difficult for the digestive system to process.

Now being a vegetarian, cutting out wheat and dairy is seriously challenging. I'm like a celiac vegan. Not fun. Fish, rice, and cooked veggies. Booooorrriing!

And to any celiacs out there, I now understand what it's like to try to live the way you have to. It must be terrible. Hugs to all of you.

Teed's 1st Annual A-Z List for Foodies!

2009-08-24T11:09:00.003-03:00

Hello fellow foodies!

I've decided that I would put together a list of all things foodie 2009. I'm hoping to continue the list on an annual or semi-annual basis. I'll try to post a new letter every single day. Now that's dedication!

Stay tuned!

Moosewood Recipe - Puffy Pancake from New Classics

2009-08-10T10:44:00.004-03:00

This week I'm on vacation, so I'm going to be cooking and baking up a storm. I'm taking every opportunity to embrace this new way of eating. And besides, I love being in the kitchen.

This morning I made the Puffy Pancake from Moosewood New Classics. I made a few changes. The original recipe calls for apples and an apple sauce made from apple cider.

I substituted with pears for the apples and added mini chocolate chips, but kept the rest of the ingredients the same. I didn't make the apple syrup either, we served with maple syrup.

The pears and chocolate were divine, but the next time I'll make a custard or english cream to serve this with.

A definite hit though, we'll definitely be making this again.

I Think I'm Officially a Lacto-Ovo-Pescatarian

2009-08-09T21:46:00.004-03:00

What a mouthful. A mouthful of vegetables.

We stopped at the Country Pumpkin on our way home from the camp today. It was so great. This is why I love living in the country. Our bounty:

Which in turn yielded a dinner of corn on the cob with blue cheese butter and beets and shallots (a Moosewood recipe):
Delicious!

This is Why I Love Living in the Country

2009-08-09T19:42:00.007-03:00

Gardening, and reaping the benefits of others' gardens.

I can't believe how much it's grown, especially the cucumbers! They grow fast! And they were actually an afterthought to the garden, so we planted them in pots on our patio.

Look at our teenie little broccoli!

Tea Time!

2009-08-07T15:42:00.003-03:00

I decided today that it was time I learned how to brew a proper cup of tea. I went to Trinitea's, on Regent Street here in Fredericton, for a lesson in brewing.

They were so nice to me! I learned that you use about 1 tsp per cup for a regular tea, but maybe 2 tsps per cup for a light flavoured tea. You brew green tea for about 2 mins per cup and black tea for 4-5 mins per cup. Good to know!

I picked up some organic gunpowder green from China and some strawberry cream green from Japan.

I can't wait to try them!

Book: Skinny Bitch

2009-08-06T10:36:00.004-03:00

I read the majority of this book, written by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin, yesterday. I'll say that I'm mostly disturbed by the content.

I didn't expect the book to be about veganism or vegetarianism. Or animal rights or animal slaughter. I cried.

I do try my best to incorporate a lot of vegetarian meat substitutes into my diet, and we often eat completely veggie meals. And when we buy meat, and other products, we choose organic and free-range as often as we can. And in all honesty, I'm sure the book was more of a portrait of what happens to animals in american slaughterhouses rather than what takes place here in Canada.

But I think it has changed me a little. If I've ever considered being completely vegetarian, and I have many MANY times, I've never considered it as strongly as I do today.

But is there really anything wrong with drinking milk, or eating other dairy products or eggs? I don't see anything wrong with this, as long as the animals from which these products come are treated well.

This is going to be a bad thinking day.

Feeling Sorry for Myself Today

2009-07-31T14:36:00.002-03:00

I hate days like this. I hate feeling like this.

I'm out of the loop with my old girlfriends. They're still my friends, but I'm out of the loop. They're all doing stuff together and I'm not included, not purposefully, but because I just don't live as close anymore and I'm not around them anymore.

It still sucks. I miss them, and I can't help but have hurt feelings when I know they're all doing things, or when I find out I miss things, or when someone who used to be out of the loop is now in the loop and I'm not.

:-(

I've Got a New Line

2009-07-24T15:05:00.002-03:00

I started a kickboxing class 3 months ago. It's really tough. Like, really hard workouts, think you might pass out tough. I love it, I really do. It pushes me. It burns a lot of calories.

I'm happy to say that now, in my third month, I've noticed that I have a new line on my arm. My arms have never had definition, NEVER. So with this new line, I now have two: one at the base of my bicep, running from my armpit to my elbow, and this new one, running in the opposite direction between my bicep and my shoulder.

Wow.

Tara's Got Her Groove Back!

2009-07-16T10:00:00.008-03:00

I lost my groove. I couldn't find it anywhere. I checked behind the hot sauce, on the cookbook shelf, in the liquor cabinet, at the back of the pantry. It was gone.

Then I hosted the dinner party on Saturday night, something I committed to a couple of months ago. I dreaded it right up until the day before, lamenting over what to make, flipping fruitlessly through a myriad of cookbooks and food magazines, something I used to love to do. This was not like me. I was panicked about the meal.

Then I finalized my menu. Suddenly, everything fell into place. I picked a theme, tried some new dishes, and made some new friends.

Now I can't be stopped! I'm back to gettin' my groove on in the kitchen!

It started Sunday, with my sweethawt cherry jam, a recipe I just made up on the fly. Nice.

Then last night, I created my new favourite thing, but let me explain. This month in our Weight Watchers meetings, we are really emphasizing fruits and vegetables. I often try new things at home to help me stay connected to my members. So I promised them I would try something new this week, a cold soup, and then I would let them know how it was in our next meeting.

Keep in mind, I've always been against cold soups, they just sounded awful to me. I had no desire to eat cold soup AT ALL.

But I did it anyway.

I made a cold minted watermelon soup, à la picture below:

There it is, not plated nearly as fancily as it should be, as it's only coming to work for lunch today. But if I could, I'd dress it up in stilettos and gloves ladies. It's that good. My new favourite summertime treat. Go ahead and taste it. I won't tell anyone you licked your monitor.

Saturday's Dinner Party

2009-07-13T14:45:00.006-03:00

We hosted a dinner party on Saturday night. And it was great!

I prepared a lot of things ahead of time:

I toasted my litte crostinis for the bruschetta:

Stephen made our other little appies, the tomato basil mozza poppers. I made my pesto potato salad, marinated the chicken, and mixed the berries with all of the extras for dessert.

Here was our menu:
Bruschetta, Tomato Basil Mozza Poppers - Appetizers
Balsamic Rosemary Grilled Chicken
Pesto Potato Salad
Zucchini Cheese Roll Ups
Puff Pastry w Limoncello Berries and Vanilla Bean Honey Cream - Dessert

The dessert was so simple, and so amazing! I will definitely make this again. First time I had used a real vanilla bean, and I don't know if I can ever go back. So delicious!

Me and My Sweethawt - We Be Jammin'!

2009-07-12T15:01:00.004-03:00

I've had some cherries in my refrigerator that needed to have something done with them. Something. Three pounds worth of fresh sweet cherries that needed something done with them.

So this is what I did.

I jammed 'em. Yup, me and the dog, jammed. That's him taste testing the cherries on the right. He's such a foodie. Has to make sure everything's perfect. "Quality control" he calls it.

Steve supported us from the couch, and took pictures. We jammed mostly to the black eyed peas. We used black cherries, an apple, an onion, a jalapeno, cinnamon, nutmeg, a lemon, and the other mandatory jam ingredients. I'm calling it my Sweethawt Cherry Jam.

I can't wait to eat this with CHEESE!

Hosting a Dinner Party Tomorrow Night

2009-07-10T15:37:00.003-03:00

Why is this causing me so much anxiety?!? This is crazy!

So I've decided on most of my menu, Italian themed.

Appetizer: Bruschetta, 2 or 3 kinds, probably goat cheese and caramelized onion, white bean, and the classic tomato

Main: rosemary and balsamic grilled chicken, pesto potato salad, and another veggie salad or zucchini rolls

Dessert: berries with either limoncello and mint or a vanilla limoncello cream and mint

Beverage: frosty lemon martinis (perhaps), shandies, and limoncello sodas (maybe)

Here's hoping it goes alright.

Herons and Beaver and Dead Livestock... Oh My!

2009-07-03T21:52:00.003-03:00

Hello all! I know I haven't been updating you much lately, but I've been on vacation. I'm now on the tail end of my time off, unfortunately.

We bought kayaks this week! They are so great! I'm going to be taking some great pictures of them soon and will post. We kayaked today here in Fredericton for the first time. We've had them down and around by the camp at the lake, but today was the first time we went in town. What a trip!

We went up a river called the Nashwaak. We saw a blue heron just a few minutes into the trip, and we got really close until it flew away, but we kept seeing it all the way up the river. It was the most beautiful scenery, just like out of a movie. And the water was just like glass. So beautiful.

On our return from being up the river (we went about 2kms up), we saw a beaver swimming! I mean we see beaver a lot here, ;-), but I've never been this close to a beaver. We usually just see dams or beaver houses in marshes and bogs on the side of the highway or something, but I've never been this close to one. He was just swimming across the river. Then we saw one of his friends further down river actually propel himself up out of the water and slap his tail down on the water to alert the beavs that we were in the area! Very cool! Then the beaver closest to us did the same thing! They kept doing this until we went past them. It was awesome!

So, where does the livestock come in you may ask? Well we were just about to take the boats out of the water, and we were rounding a turn when I saw what looked like a rock, well kind of like a branch from a tree bent down and stuck on a rock. So I went close to investigate. Turns out the "rock" was a rump of a dead calf! The poor thing must have either died and fell in the river and got swept down and caught on this tree, or it got caught up in the flood and swept down river or whatever. It was awful! And smelled even worse! I've never seen a dead carcass like that before. Terrible, seriously traumatizing. I felt awful for the poor little thing.

That's all for today folks. Tune in again for another episode of "What the heck is that thing?"