Silence is Golden

Have you ever had times when it seems like you're saying everything wrong? As soon as you open your mouth and say something you wish you hadn't?

I am very much in that space now. I am regretting everything I'm saying, not necessarily because I don't feel it, but I just feel like I'm saying everything wrong.

I sound needy, and whiny, sensitive, and insecure. I am saying the wrong things to the wrong people.

Even my comments on Facebook and my emails sound all wrong.

Please, everyone, give me the benefit of the doubt. I'm a good person, I'm confident, and I really meant for that to sound better than it did. Really.

I think I'll just keep my mouth shut.

Sh!t My Boyfriend Says

We're watching TV. The dog is curled up on his bed on the floor.

Him: "What do you think of the dog?"

Me: "He looks suspicious, doesn't he?" *grinning - our dog is adorable*

Him: "I think he looks like a gnome dog."

Me: "You mean he looks like gnome? That's not very nice."

Him: "But if a gnome had a dog, it would look like him, you know?"

*sigh*

Sh!t My Boyfriend Says

We're driving.

Him: "Do you smell something funny?"

Me: "No. What do you mean funny?"

Him: "Oh nothing, I just thought I smelled a toot."

Me: "Are you asking if I tooted?"

Him: "No, maybe we just drove through a toot or something."

This is my life.

This Week's Grocery List

This one definitely looks a little better than the last couple...

• frozen vegetables
• old white cheddar
• flax oil
• butter
• tzatziki sauce
• sugar
• 100 calorie snacks (for Steve's lunch)
• canned tomatoes
• vegetable broth
• low-sodium cream of mushroom soup
• low-fat cream of broccoli soup
• 2% evaporated milk
• lean ground beef
• extra lean ground turkey
• brown eggs
• unsweetened soy milk
• chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream
• toothpaste
• dog food
• simply bars
• 1% milk
• spinach (2 bags)
• red onion
• garlic
• yellow potatoes
• milkbones (for the fuzzy man of the house)
• canned pumpkin
• broccoli
• green pepper
• bananas
• granny smith apples
• coffee
• papier de toilette

I think I'll be in much better shape this week.

If you hadn't already noticed, I'll be making some green monsters for breakfast.

My Personal Happiness Project

Is it selfish to want more happiness for yourself? To put other people aside for a bit and focus on what you want and who you want to be, then set out to do what you need to do to achieve those things?

I don't think so.

I've recently decided to embark on a personal happiness project. I plan on changing the things in my life that don't make me happy, so that I can ultimately be happier and a better person to the other people in my life.

My happiness project isn't an original idea. My soul sista Jan turned me on to a great book by Gretchen Rubin called, 'The Happiness Project'. We both agreed that we don't usually tune ourselves in to books like this - you know the ones, the self-help, change your life types. We also realized that not everything in this book will ring true to both or either of us, but the book has proven to be a great read and a bit of an eye opener.

I hope no one has the wrong impression about my level of happiness. I'm generally a very happy person with more than one person should have the privilege of being thankful for. I have a loving, wonderful, healthy family; a great guy who loves me unconditionally and a fuzzy animal to keep us laughing; friends, near and far, whom I love and who will always be a huge part of my life; a warm, safe, stable home; a good job; a full tummy; and plenty of everything to spare. I have nothing to complain about.

Even though I have an enviable life, there are lots of things I'd love to change about it. I'd like to feel more accomplished. I'd like to find more time to read. I'd like to be a bit more easygoing. I'd like to do less rushing around and more savouring. I can do better, and I can be better to myself.

I have a plan for achieving some of these goals. I realize this isn't something that can happen quickly. I know some of these changes won't be easy for me, and that a lot of them will make me uncomfortable. I also know that small changes can make big differences and that no one ever got better at anything without some discomfort and some effort.

Mark my words, change is a comin'. Stay tuned.

It's Been a Week Already? This Week's Grocery Shop

It's already been another week come and gone. Not quite, but almost.

Steve and I decided to get groceries before Hurricane Earl hit so that we can stay in tomorrow and do nothing but eat delicious snacks, you know, in the name of survival.

Here is the list of purchases today:

• Reese Peanut Butter Puffs cereal
• Chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream (I can't believe these are the first two things on the list)
• Blue Menu angus burgers
• Light sour cream
• Hot pepperoni
• Whole wheat macaroni
• Peas
• Corn
• Coffee
• Dog food
• Root beer
• Whole wheat english muffins
• Hamburger buns
• Whipped peanut butter (whipped!)
• Dill pickles
• Cool ranch doritos
• Renee's ranch dressing
• Renee's Light caesar dressing
• Tassimo chai tea lattes (FREE)
• Tassimo Starbucks cappuccino (FREE)
• Yves original veggie ground round
• Vachon Ah Caramel cakes
• Maple pepper smoked salmon
• Rainbow trout
• Honey oat bread
• Ancient grains bread
• Coffee cake
• Kibbles
• Plums
• White mushrooms
• Fresh cilantro
• Garlic
• Cauliflower
• Romaine lettuce
• Buttercup squash
• Vidalia onion
• Green pepper

So in hindsight, I guess I didn't make stellar choices. I yelled at Steve when he put the coffee cake in our cart.

There were two things I couldn't wait to try. I dug into them as soon as we got home: the smoked salmon (not because I don't know what it tastes like, but because I LOVE it and I was famished). I also had to try the whipped peanut butter.

I know, I'm eight years old.

We spent $138.

Today's Grocery Shop

I love food and I love to see what's in peoples' grocery carts at the store, what's in their refrigerators and their cupboards.

In light of that, I'm sharing my grocery shop today. Here's what we came home with:

chicken breast (2 packs - they were BOGO)

ground beef (for the dog's food)

a pot roast (for dinner tonight)

diet pepsi

cream soda

orange c-plus

light sour cream

vanilla greek yogurt (I'm very excited about this!)

tassimo single serve coffee pods

light cream cheese

light spinach cream cheese

velveeta shells and cheese

whole wheat KD

baby shrimp

2% milk

2 packages of bagels (BOGO)

unbleached all-purpose flour

spinach nuggets

falafel

Old Dutch all-dressed chips

2 packs mushrooms (BOGO)

yellow onions

green bell pepper

broccoli

turnip

multigrain tostitos

whole wheat pitas

oatmeal brown bread

multigrain bread

So there - that's it, in all its delicious glory. Some good, some bad. I also just made a trip to the Costco, so we've got lots of great stuff here to add on to what we picked up.

We spent $125.

You're Such a Card!

Another strange thing about me. I get a HUGE kick out of greeting cards. It's a bit unnatural, actually.

Today's great finds:

This is actually a tablet of citations:

I laughed out loud at this one:

Now that I've revealed a couple of strange things about me, why don't you tell me something strange about you? It'll make me feel better. :-S

Excited to Run?

I'm excited to run tomorrow.

I'm sure this is just a weird thing about me, but I'll share anyway. Sometimes when I go grocery shopping I buy really good stuff, the stuff I love to eat. Then when I get home, I want to eat it all right then because it's good. It doesn't even have to be junky food - it can be healthy food too. It's like I'm thinking, "I'm going to eat all of these blueberries and yogurt right now. The more I eat of it, the healthier I'll be." Funny, huh?

I just want to go out running right now because I'm really looking forward to my run tomorrow morning.

I'm that kind of weird.

Sometimes You Just Need to Have a Good Cry

If you know me, you know that I'm pretty tough, and that I've got spunk and a lot of attitude. If that's bad, I don't care. It's me. I'm stubborn, and a perfectionist, and I like getting what I want. I'm a very determined lady and once I have a goal in mind, you'd might as well hand it over to me - I'm that kind of stubborn and determined girl. Don't tell me I can't have something, or that I can't do something - it will become my life's mission to prove you wrong.

I'm also sentimental (although not often openly). I'm hard on myself and I carry a lot of insecurities that I try not to let show. At least I'll admit that, right? I have too much love for other people and although I try to show them with kindness, generosity, and humour, it scares the heck out of me to show anyone love. I also have a lot of love for myself, but I don't express it the same way I express my love to others. I think I'm harder on myself because even though other people can always leave my life, I'll never escape myself.

Where is this going?

Lately I've really been feeling like I'm letting other people I love down. I'm letting myself down. I'm getting very overwhelmed by all of this thinking about it. So...

Yesterday, I knew just what I needed - a run. I had been looking forward to it all week, waiting for Sunday's run. I love running. I do most of my best thinking while running. I feel my best during a run, at least most of the time, but running serves another purpose for me too. For me, running has this ability to bring to the surface those tiny things I've been trying to keep down.

I ran one of the worst runs I can remember running yesterday. I have a run like that about once every four to six months, and I know it's because I'm not in a good head space, and something needs to bubble up to the surface so I can face it. I got a good look at it about twenty minutes in to my run yesterday. I had a little cry (don't tell anyone that). I exhausted myself both physically and emotionally.

Today is better. I think I'm better equipped to face the world again. You can bet I won't be missing my run next week either. I need to check back to make sure I'm heading where I need to be going.