My Mixed Tape

You're driving in to work, or listening to the radio while you're cleaning the kitchen on Saturday morning, or you walk by a community car wash with students washing cars to raise money for their trip to basketball provincials. You hear a song. Instantly you're taken to...


















Black Hole Sun, Soundgarden - released April 1994

I was 14 years old when this song was released. That's over half my life ago. *sigh*

The song instantly reminds me of my very best friend back then, Stewart. Stewie. Stew moved to my tiny little hometown with his mom and sister from Whitby, Ontario after his parents divorced. I was 13. He was 12. He didn't know anyone, and I needed a friend, so we were a perfect pair.

Stew and I were inseparable. We had a couple more friends we did stuff with too. But he was at my house almost every single day, and if we weren't together we were on the phone. We played volleyball, went to the arcade, to the beach, or just hung out listening to music and watching TV. He was a crazy good soccer player, and I remember watching the World Cup with him. I even bought a World Cup t-shirt to let people know how cool I was because I was paying attention to World Cup soccer and I knew all about it.

That summer was one of the best summers I can remember. I was so happy. It was like 3 months of my life lit up during a time I remember as being very dark otherwise. I felt comfortable and accepted. For a little while I didn't worry about how pudgy I was, or how I wasn't good enough for the group of girls I had tried being friends with, but never really belonged to. It was like it was just our little group of friends, and Stewart and I, two people who didn't belong to anyone else, who somehow belonged with each other. That summer brought new friends and new feelings and it was awesome.

I started high school that fall, which meant that Stewart and I would be going to different schools. He would stay with our friends Natalie, Justin, and Nick while I would move on to another school with our friend Diana. Naturally, Stewart and I didn't see as much of each other anymore. Diana and I had a complete falling out over something completely foolish (as 14 years old tend to do), and it began years of agony for me, being harassed by she and her friends.

Stew became a chef (my dream). Until recently, he worked at the restaurant across the street from my office. I'd see him every once in a while after work, while walking to my car. I loved those rare moments, just because I got to say hi to him. We never stayed as close after that summer, but I still feel the same way when I see him. I just wanted to run right over to him and give him a great big hug, and say "Remember when...". And we'd laugh. Then laugh some more.

He recently moved west to continue his career out there with Justin (mentioned above, also became a chef). I hope he finds everything he's ever wanted somewhere out there, he deserves every bit of it, plus.

I miss 1994, but I still have brief visits with Stewart every time I hear Chris Cornell droning on, "Black hole sun, won't you come...".

I still have a hat that was his too, packed away in a box. Maybe I'll post a picture of it later. And maybe I'll send him an email, just to say hi.

As for Diana, she apologized to me a few years ago for all the grief she put me through back then. I'm now friends with her and a lot of the friends she enlisted to help torture me back then. Life's so funny sometimes.

You know what else is funny? I just realized that today is one of those friends' birthdays. That's like Twilight Zone weird.


What's one of the songs on your mixed tape?