Thursday, May 26, 2011

Yup, I'm Still OK

I'm still OK. No change since yesterday.

But wow, am I afraid.

Did I mention I'm running my first half marathon on Sunday? Off to Ottawa I go for one of the biggest annual running weekends in Canada. Actually, probably THE biggest. What was I thinking?!?

I waver between, "I can do this", to "I wish I'd never signed up for this".

Don't get me wrong. I KNOW I can do this. I trained for it. My legs aren't going to just seize up or anything. It's my head that's the problem. The time I've spent practicing perfectionism is much more than the time I've spent training for this race.

How can I etch into my brain the idea that I don't need to have any expectations? What is wrong with just going out and running for a couple and a half hours? I'm running farther than most people ever will. I already do, on a regular basis.

Not bad for someone who never thought she'd ever want to run further than to the end of the driveway.

And did you know that only 1% of the population ever run a half-marathon or a marathon? That's not many people. That makes this a pretty significant accomplishment. It also makes me a half-wit.

I am trying to heed the advice given in the post above, and be happy with the feat that I am accomplishing and I'll try to remember that no one is concerned with the time it took me to run it.

So take it easy, Tara. Somehow this will work out. You'll get your bib and chip, you'll remember to pack everything you need, you'll make your way to that race, and you'll finish it. And there will be smiling faces waiting for you at the end.

You're good.

AND a huge shout out to people who are even crazier than I am - Niffer and Mousearoo! Marathons?!? Y'all have lost your minds! ;-) See you at the finish line! Medals and bagels for all!

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

So Much To Say

My comments from last night's Daily Mile post:

"6K at race pace. I'll be happy with this race pace, if I can keep it up for 21K. I'm going to be happy no matter what - it's time to stop comparing myself to everyone else and enjoy the runner I am.

I'm gonna be one happy runner on Sunday!"

I'm starting to learn that I don't always have to be the best at everything. I don't always need to compare myself to everyone else. I'll never be perfect, and I don't need to be.

So who am I?

I'm one fantastic cook and baker. I know I am. So why am I so hard on myself when something new that I try in the kitchen doesn't turn out just the way I want? I should be happy with the hundreds of other great things I make, and continue to work towards improving this new recipe, then move on to the next inevitable kitchen disaster. Don't great new things come out of muddled attempts at old things?

I'm an IT geek, dedicated to my job. I'm proud of the fact that I am a woman surrounded by men in my field, and that I'm good at what I do. The guys I work with know that I'm good at what I do, and I love showing other people that I should not be underestimated. I love the look of realization that crosses someone's face when I show them what I can do. My co-worker friends and I now joke about how "I'm just a girl". What could I possibly know about anything? *giggle*

I'm an athlete. I've been an athlete my whole life. Basketball, softball, volleyball, running, weight training - I've done it all, and so much more. I may not be the best at any of these things, but I'm certainly no slouch either. I am one tricky little point guard and I can pitch hard all day. I can run futher than most people I know, although I'm not the fastest. That's not to say that I won't be someday. Life has so much more in store for me.

I'm an artist. I create all kinds of wonderful things with my hands. I paint, sew, sketch, mold. I have great vision.

I'm a loyal family member and friend. I would sacrifice anything for the people in my life. I'm a total people pleaser, and others' feelings usually come before my own. I try to be the best daughter, sister, aunt, fiancée, and friend I can be. I hate hurting other peoples' feelings, so I put them ahead of my own. I take on the troubles of the world. Good or bad, it's who I am.

And besides all that? I'm a random combination of the following: soft-hearted, sensitive, sarcastic, funny, a numbers whiz, intelligent, empathetic, emotional, respectful, faithful, and observant. And that's all. ;-)

How boring would life be if you did everything exactly right all the time?

Who are YOU?