If you know me, you know that I'm pretty tough, and that I've got spunk and a lot of attitude. If that's bad, I don't care. It's me. I'm stubborn, and a perfectionist, and I like getting what I want. I'm a very determined lady and once I have a goal in mind, you'd might as well hand it over to me - I'm that kind of stubborn and determined girl. Don't tell me I can't have something, or that I can't do something - it will become my life's mission to prove you wrong.
I'm also sentimental (although not often openly). I'm hard on myself and I carry a lot of insecurities that I try not to let show. At least I'll admit that, right? I have too much love for other people and although I try to show them with kindness, generosity, and humour, it scares the heck out of me to show anyone love. I also have a lot of love for myself, but I don't express it the same way I express my love to others. I think I'm harder on myself because even though other people can always leave my life, I'll never escape myself.
Where is this going?
Lately I've really been feeling like I'm letting other people I love down. I'm letting myself down. I'm getting very overwhelmed by all of this thinking about it. So...
Yesterday, I knew just what I needed - a run. I had been looking forward to it all week, waiting for Sunday's run. I love running. I do most of my best thinking while running. I feel my best during a run, at least most of the time, but running serves another purpose for me too. For me, running has this ability to bring to the surface those tiny things I've been trying to keep down.
I ran one of the worst runs I can remember running yesterday. I have a run like that about once every four to six months, and I know it's because I'm not in a good head space, and something needs to bubble up to the surface so I can face it. I got a good look at it about twenty minutes in to my run yesterday. I had a little cry (don't tell anyone that). I exhausted myself both physically and emotionally.
Today is better. I think I'm better equipped to face the world again. You can bet I won't be missing my run next week either. I need to check back to make sure I'm heading where I need to be going.
3 comments:
I cried a lot last week.
But you shouldn't feel like you're letting anyone down, kiddo.
Must be something in the air....I felt like crying on and off all weekend (likely because my best friend in the world and crying buddy was visiting from Montreal).
You are awesome...don't ever forget that. HUGS!
Love you. xoxo
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