Where's Goose?

Do you ever get the feeling there's something not quite right but you have a really hard time putting your finger on what exactly is wrong?

*sigh* Welcome to my life. Pull up a chair. I have a story.

I've been feeling like something isn't the way it should be for a couple of months now, and I've really been struggling to put my finger on it. Until the past couple of weeks. Now I've finally figured out what's not in the right place.

It's my control over eating. It's not that I don't have any, but I just feel kind of all over the place. It's like the feeling of knowing how to drive, but not knowing which direction to take.

Everyone knows now that Weight Watchers changed their program in December. I, like millions of other people, am a Weight Watchers alum. I've done the program for years now and have been very successful. The new Points Plus program is not allowing me to be successful. It's not for lack of trying either - I've honestly tried the new program to the best of my ability and I just can't get it to work for me. And I can't be bothered to tweak a program like that to get it to work for me.

So I'm lost. Without my tried and true weight loss program backing me up, I feel like I've lost my wing (wo)man. I'm now officially looking for a new wing (wo)man.* I mean, where's Goose?

Tonight I find myself here:

Can you tell where I am? That's Oprah to the left of me, and Jillian to the right. Here, let me give you a closer look:

That's right - I'm at my local Chapters store. I'm standing in front of the Nutrition & Diets section with a blank, lost look on my face. Overwhelmed. Looking for guidance. Waiting for my next solution to jump off the shelf and hit me in the chest.

That didn't happen.

I mean, LOOK at all of them! The Carb Lovers Diet, The Sonoma Diet, The Biggest Loser Diet, Skinny Bitch, The 17 Day Diet, The 4 Hour Body, Eat to Live, Eat Right 4 Your Type, The Hormone Diet... Gah!

I just don't know what to do now. I need a new solution, but what? There are so many diets out there, how do you choose? What can you manage for the rest of your life? What works? What is based on real science and not just hype?

I brought home two books to check out: 'The Low G.I. Handbook' and 'The South Beach Diet Supercharged'. At the very least, I'm hoping to learn something I don't already know about food and nutrition (doubtful). But I also hope that I might find something to help me feel in control again, in the hopes of losing a few pounds.

*sigh*

Weight Watchers, please bring my old Momentum program back...

*Apply within.

Are YOU Happy?

How often do you think about whether or not you're happy?

I'm sad to think that so many people, including myself, express very openly how unhappy they are. I often wonder too, are people generally more unhappy now than in generations previous? Do we just talk about it more? Or have our lives changed so much compared to what peoples' lives used to be that we're just somehow continually causing our own unhappiness?

I'm rambling, I know.

Either way, I thought it would be good for me to sit and think about things in my life that make me happy (in no particular order):

• My dog. He's always happy to see me, is never in a bad mood, and is a fantastic snuggler.
• Sundays. When I was a kid, I hated Sundays. Now I live for Sundays.
• That boy.
• Good food. I don't care that I shouldn't think about food this way. It's not just fuel to me, and it never will be. It makes me very happy. I'll suffer with a weight problem my whole life before I stop letting food make me happy.
• Books. I surround myself with books. There are always no less than four of them on the arm of the couch next to me, or on the rocking chair next to my bed.
• My bed. I love my bed.
• Good friends.
• Cake. Can't forget cake.

There are so many other things, and I'm sure this list is being highly influenced by the kind of day I had today, but no matter. They make me happy.

Weight Lifting for Dummies

Does such a book exist? I'm sure it does.

I should probably read it.

Dummy or not, I went to the gym today with plan to lift weights. Don't worry, I didn't disappoint.

I get very intimidated and overwhelmed going to the gym across the street from my office for a couple of reasons:

1) Several of my male co-workers work out there regularly at lunch. Put them us a treadmill and I can certainly show them up, but put us in front of some weight lifting equipment and ask us to show you a weight lifting routine and I look like a complete fool. Now if they were complete strangers, I wouldn't really care, but I see these people everyday. I will say though, that one of them is such a nice guy, I don't group him with the others.

2) The gym across the street is a dive compared to other installments of the gym chain I can go to. It's stuffy, underground, crazy busy, and cramped. The floor is uneven. I just feel like I'm working out in a prison. At lunchtime though, it's a very convenient option.

Today these things didn't matter.

I went to the gym with a plan of the exercises I wanted to do. At first I was confused, but it didn't take long to figure out where the equipment was that I wanted to use. I got right to it, and didn't care what anyone thought, including my co-workers and the men who think they sound cool when they huff and puff with a set of dumbbells in their hands.

I was proud of myself.

Think I can do it again next week?

Feel the Love

More than ever before in my life, I feel loved.

I hope that doesn't sound too self-centered or proud.

After giving it some thought, I think I know why I feel this way. There are so many reasons.

I know this is going to sound cliche, but I guess I don't know how to better express it. I think I've finally allowed myself to be open to being loved. I know, that sounds terrible, doesn't it? I've always been so stubbornly independent, always telling myself that I was strong and didn't need anyone else. I think that put up a wall around me, whether or not I realized it. Now I'm trying to make it easier for people to love me, not by giving up my independence, but more because I started sharing more of myself, even the parts I'm afraid for people to find out about. The way I see it is that if the people in my life don't love me for who I am, I don't need them in my life.

I've also become part of a large network of people, some of whom have become my best friends. I'm not sure how we all found each other, but we did. I've let them into my life hoping that I'd make some new friends, but not really expecting much. Now they're my best friends, and I have wonderful people to spend time with in almost any city in this country.

I think most of the reason why I feel so loved is because I've started to love and accept who I am. I know, I know, totally corny, but whatever. I like who I am, I'm comfortable who I am. I'd be stuck with me on a deserted island.

To those of you who are an active part of my life, I love you. I'm glad you're my friend. I'm going to take every opportunity I can to let you know, even if I am going to sound like a sentimental loser.

So there.