Tuesday

I weighed in this morning at 160 lbs even. I don't want to weigh 160 lbs. I'd like to get back to my 140 lb self. Here's how I'm starting:


Breakfast:

~ Green monster smoothie: 1/2 banana, 1C unsweetened chocolate almond breeze, 2 scoops whey protein powder, 1.5C spinach
~ 3 cups coffee

309 calories, 30 g carbs, 7 g fat, 35 g protein


Lunch:

~ 1.5 C chili

330 calories, 32 g carbs, 10 g fat, 28 g protein

Dinner:

~ sausage on a bun, 1/2 Dole harvest salad kit

578 calories, 43 g carbs, 35 g fat, 23 g protein


Snacks:

~ Cheese bun w butter
~ 1/2 Powerbar
~ 1 oz Potato Chips
~ Slice of brown bread w butter

564 calories, 83 g carbs, 23 g fat, 10g protein


Exercise:

~ Strength Training
~ Jogging 10 mins
~ Cycling 85 mins


Daily Totals:

1784 calories (my range is 1200-1550 per day)
188 g carbohydrates (my range is 163-236 per day)
74 g fat (my range is 32-56 per day)
100 g protein (my range is 60-127 per day)
26 g fibre (my range is 25-35 per day)

703 calories burned

* This should give me a calorie deficit of approximately 650 calories.

The Return of 'This Week's Grocery List'

I love grocery lists. I always leave my list behind for someone else to check out.

Here is what we bought today (this is gonna sound bad):

strawberries (a lot of them)

whole wheat english muffins

whole wheat hot dog/sub buns

spinach salad kit

fresh mushroom mix

onions

ground chicken

steaks

all-beef (natural) franks

cheese - medium light cheddar, feta

black forest ham (deli sliced)

frozen lean burgers

greek yogurt

eggs

breyers ice cream bars

toilet paper

milk

chocolate milk

individually packaged apple crumble and peach crumble cups (new and exciting!)

toothpicks

onion rings and ketchup doritos (new experiment)

coke zero

coffee

taco kit (hard and soft)

balogna

YUM!

Yup, I'm Still OK

I'm still OK. No change since yesterday.

But wow, am I afraid.

Did I mention I'm running my first half marathon on Sunday? Off to Ottawa I go for one of the biggest annual running weekends in Canada. Actually, probably THE biggest. What was I thinking?!?

I waver between, "I can do this", to "I wish I'd never signed up for this".

Don't get me wrong. I KNOW I can do this. I trained for it. My legs aren't going to just seize up or anything. It's my head that's the problem. The time I've spent practicing perfectionism is much more than the time I've spent training for this race.

How can I etch into my brain the idea that I don't need to have any expectations? What is wrong with just going out and running for a couple and a half hours? I'm running farther than most people ever will. I already do, on a regular basis.

Not bad for someone who never thought she'd ever want to run further than to the end of the driveway.

And did you know that only 1% of the population ever run a half-marathon or a marathon? That's not many people. That makes this a pretty significant accomplishment. It also makes me a half-wit.

I am trying to heed the advice given in the post above, and be happy with the feat that I am accomplishing and I'll try to remember that no one is concerned with the time it took me to run it.

So take it easy, Tara. Somehow this will work out. You'll get your bib and chip, you'll remember to pack everything you need, you'll make your way to that race, and you'll finish it. And there will be smiling faces waiting for you at the end.

You're good.


AND a huge shout out to people who are even crazier than I am - Niffer and Mousearoo! Marathons?!? Y'all have lost your minds! ;-) See you at the finish line! Medals and bagels for all!

So Much To Say

My comments from last night's Daily Mile post:

"6K at race pace. I'll be happy with this race pace, if I can keep it up for 21K. I'm going to be happy no matter what - it's time to stop comparing myself to everyone else and enjoy the runner I am.

I'm gonna be one happy runner on Sunday!"

I'm starting to learn that I don't always have to be the best at everything. I don't always need to compare myself to everyone else. I'll never be perfect, and I don't need to be.

So who am I?

I'm one fantastic cook and baker. I know I am. So why am I so hard on myself when something new that I try in the kitchen doesn't turn out just the way I want? I should be happy with the hundreds of other great things I make, and continue to work towards improving this new recipe, then move on to the next inevitable kitchen disaster. Don't great new things come out of muddled attempts at old things?

I'm an IT geek, dedicated to my job. I'm proud of the fact that I am a woman surrounded by men in my field, and that I'm good at what I do. The guys I work with know that I'm good at what I do, and I love showing other people that I should not be underestimated. I love the look of realization that crosses someone's face when I show them what I can do. My co-worker friends and I now joke about how "I'm just a girl". What could I possibly know about anything? *giggle*

I'm an athlete. I've been an athlete my whole life. Basketball, softball, volleyball, running, weight training - I've done it all, and so much more. I may not be the best at any of these things, but I'm certainly no slouch either. I am one tricky little point guard and I can pitch hard all day. I can run futher than most people I know, although I'm not the fastest. That's not to say that I won't be someday. Life has so much more in store for me.

I'm an artist. I create all kinds of wonderful things with my hands. I paint, sew, sketch, mold. I have great vision.

I'm a loyal family member and friend. I would sacrifice anything for the people in my life. I'm a total people pleaser, and others' feelings usually come before my own. I try to be the best daughter, sister, aunt, fiancée, and friend I can be. I hate hurting other peoples' feelings, so I put them ahead of my own. I take on the troubles of the world. Good or bad, it's who I am.

And besides all that? I'm a random combination of the following: soft-hearted, sensitive, sarcastic, funny, a numbers whiz, intelligent, empathetic, emotional, respectful, faithful, and observant. And that's all. ;-)

How boring would life be if you did everything exactly right all the time?

Who are YOU?

Where's Goose?

Do you ever get the feeling there's something not quite right but you have a really hard time putting your finger on what exactly is wrong?

*sigh* Welcome to my life. Pull up a chair. I have a story.

I've been feeling like something isn't the way it should be for a couple of months now, and I've really been struggling to put my finger on it. Until the past couple of weeks. Now I've finally figured out what's not in the right place.

It's my control over eating. It's not that I don't have any, but I just feel kind of all over the place. It's like the feeling of knowing how to drive, but not knowing which direction to take.

Everyone knows now that Weight Watchers changed their program in December. I, like millions of other people, am a Weight Watchers alum. I've done the program for years now and have been very successful. The new Points Plus program is not allowing me to be successful. It's not for lack of trying either - I've honestly tried the new program to the best of my ability and I just can't get it to work for me. And I can't be bothered to tweak a program like that to get it to work for me.

So I'm lost. Without my tried and true weight loss program backing me up, I feel like I've lost my wing (wo)man. I'm now officially looking for a new wing (wo)man.* I mean, where's Goose?

Tonight I find myself here:

Can you tell where I am? That's Oprah to the left of me, and Jillian to the right. Here, let me give you a closer look:

That's right - I'm at my local Chapters store. I'm standing in front of the Nutrition & Diets section with a blank, lost look on my face. Overwhelmed. Looking for guidance. Waiting for my next solution to jump off the shelf and hit me in the chest.

That didn't happen.

I mean, LOOK at all of them! The Carb Lovers Diet, The Sonoma Diet, The Biggest Loser Diet, Skinny Bitch, The 17 Day Diet, The 4 Hour Body, Eat to Live, Eat Right 4 Your Type, The Hormone Diet... Gah!

I just don't know what to do now. I need a new solution, but what? There are so many diets out there, how do you choose? What can you manage for the rest of your life? What works? What is based on real science and not just hype?

I brought home two books to check out: 'The Low G.I. Handbook' and 'The South Beach Diet Supercharged'. At the very least, I'm hoping to learn something I don't already know about food and nutrition (doubtful). But I also hope that I might find something to help me feel in control again, in the hopes of losing a few pounds.

*sigh*

Weight Watchers, please bring my old Momentum program back...

*Apply within.

Are YOU Happy?

How often do you think about whether or not you're happy?

I'm sad to think that so many people, including myself, express very openly how unhappy they are. I often wonder too, are people generally more unhappy now than in generations previous? Do we just talk about it more? Or have our lives changed so much compared to what peoples' lives used to be that we're just somehow continually causing our own unhappiness?

I'm rambling, I know.

Either way, I thought it would be good for me to sit and think about things in my life that make me happy (in no particular order):

• My dog. He's always happy to see me, is never in a bad mood, and is a fantastic snuggler.
• Sundays. When I was a kid, I hated Sundays. Now I live for Sundays.
• That boy.
• Good food. I don't care that I shouldn't think about food this way. It's not just fuel to me, and it never will be. It makes me very happy. I'll suffer with a weight problem my whole life before I stop letting food make me happy.
• Books. I surround myself with books. There are always no less than four of them on the arm of the couch next to me, or on the rocking chair next to my bed.
• My bed. I love my bed.
• Good friends.
• Cake. Can't forget cake.

There are so many other things, and I'm sure this list is being highly influenced by the kind of day I had today, but no matter. They make me happy.

Weight Lifting for Dummies

Does such a book exist? I'm sure it does.

I should probably read it.

Dummy or not, I went to the gym today with plan to lift weights. Don't worry, I didn't disappoint.

I get very intimidated and overwhelmed going to the gym across the street from my office for a couple of reasons:

1) Several of my male co-workers work out there regularly at lunch. Put them us a treadmill and I can certainly show them up, but put us in front of some weight lifting equipment and ask us to show you a weight lifting routine and I look like a complete fool. Now if they were complete strangers, I wouldn't really care, but I see these people everyday. I will say though, that one of them is such a nice guy, I don't group him with the others.

2) The gym across the street is a dive compared to other installments of the gym chain I can go to. It's stuffy, underground, crazy busy, and cramped. The floor is uneven. I just feel like I'm working out in a prison. At lunchtime though, it's a very convenient option.

Today these things didn't matter.

I went to the gym with a plan of the exercises I wanted to do. At first I was confused, but it didn't take long to figure out where the equipment was that I wanted to use. I got right to it, and didn't care what anyone thought, including my co-workers and the men who think they sound cool when they huff and puff with a set of dumbbells in their hands.

I was proud of myself.

Think I can do it again next week?

Feel the Love

More than ever before in my life, I feel loved.

I hope that doesn't sound too self-centered or proud.

After giving it some thought, I think I know why I feel this way. There are so many reasons.

I know this is going to sound cliche, but I guess I don't know how to better express it. I think I've finally allowed myself to be open to being loved. I know, that sounds terrible, doesn't it? I've always been so stubbornly independent, always telling myself that I was strong and didn't need anyone else. I think that put up a wall around me, whether or not I realized it. Now I'm trying to make it easier for people to love me, not by giving up my independence, but more because I started sharing more of myself, even the parts I'm afraid for people to find out about. The way I see it is that if the people in my life don't love me for who I am, I don't need them in my life.

I've also become part of a large network of people, some of whom have become my best friends. I'm not sure how we all found each other, but we did. I've let them into my life hoping that I'd make some new friends, but not really expecting much. Now they're my best friends, and I have wonderful people to spend time with in almost any city in this country.

I think most of the reason why I feel so loved is because I've started to love and accept who I am. I know, I know, totally corny, but whatever. I like who I am, I'm comfortable who I am. I'd be stuck with me on a deserted island.

To those of you who are an active part of my life, I love you. I'm glad you're my friend. I'm going to take every opportunity I can to let you know, even if I am going to sound like a sentimental loser.

So there.

Food Experiment 2011 -- Day 5

Breakfast: (8 Momentum pts, 8 PointsPlus pts)

Oatcake (180 cals, 25g carbs, 8g fat, 3g protein, 2g fibre)
175 grams Liberte Plain Greek Yogurt (110 cals, 6g carbs, 1g fat, 20g protein, 0g fibre)
50 grams Liberte Lemon Yogurt (71 cals, 7g carbs, 4g fat, 2g protein, 0g fibre)
1/2 Tbsp Flax Meal (15 cals, 1g carbs, 1g fat, 1g protein, 1g fibre)


Lunch: (7 Momentum pts, 7 PointsPlus pts)

2 C Lettuce (16 cals, 3g carbs, 0g fat, 2g protein, 1.9g fibre)

1/4 C Tomatoes (8 cals, 2g carbs, 0g fat, 0g protein, 0.4g fibre)
1/4 C Cucumber (3 cals, 1g carbs, 0g fat, 0g protein, 0.2g fibre)
1 oz Light Feta (60 cals, 0g carbs, 4g fat, 6g protein, 0g fibre)
1 Tbsp Renee's Greek Feta Light Dressing (50 cals, 1g carbs, 5g fat, 0g protein, 0g fibre)
1 C Carrots (52 cals, 12g carbs, 0g fat, 1g protein, 3.6g fibre)
Cheese & Crackers (190 cals, 24g carbs, 9g fat, 3g protein, 0g fibre)


Dinner: (6 Momentum pts, 6 PointsPlus pts)

5 oz Mahi Mahi
3 C Frozen Mixed Vegetables
1/2 Can Low-Fat Condensed Soup
1 tsp Olive Oil

Snack: (5 Momentum pts, 7 PointsPlus pts)

Slice of Sweet Home Alabanana
2 Tbsp Chocolate Chips

Daily Totals:

1380 calories (my range is 1200-1550 per day)
155 g carbohydrates (my range is 163-236 per day)
53 g fat (my range is 32-56 per day)
85 g protein (my range is 60-127 per day)
23 g fibre (my range is 25-35 per day)

26 Momentum pts Used, 28 PointsPlus pts Used




Weekly Totals:
Momentum Weekly Points: -5/35 Remaining, 7/7 APs earned
PointsPlus Weekly Points: 29/49 Remaining, 11 APs earned
Sparkpeople Calorie Differential: -1604 Calories

Food Experiment 2011 -- Day 4

Breakfast: (5 Momentum pts, 5 PointsPlus pts)

Thomas' Cinnamon Raisin Bagel Thin (110 cals, 25g carbs, 1g fat, 4g protein, 4g fibre)
1 Tbsp Light Peanut Butter (90 cals, 6g carbs, 6g fat, 2g protein, 1g fibre)
1 Banana (125 cals, 32g carbs, 0g fat, 1g protein, 3.2g fibre)


Lunch: (3 Momentum pts, 4 PointsPlus pts)

Multigrain Sandwich Thin (100 cals, 22g carbs, 1g fat, 5g protein, 5g fibre)

2 oz Smoked Turkey (35 cals, 0g carbs, 1g fat, 9g protein, 0g fibre)
1 Tbsp Light Mayonnaise (50 cals, 1g carbs, 5g fat, 0g protein, 0g fibre)


Dinner: (17 Momentum pts, 19 PointsPlus pts)

1.5 oz Whole Wheat Fettuccine (143 cals, 26g carbs, 1g fat, 7g protein, 4.5g fibre)
1/2 C Light Alfredo Sauce (100 cals, 6g carbs, 6g fat, 2g protein, 0g fibre)
2.5 oz Chicken Breast (78 cals, 0g carbs, 1g fat, 16g protein, 0g fibre)
2 Tbsp Light Cream Cheese (60 cals, 2g carbs, 5g fat, 3g protein, 0g fibre)

3/4 C Broccoli (41 cals, 8g carbs, 0g fat, 3g protein, 3.9g fibre)
1/4 C Onion (15 cals, 3g carbs, 0g fat, 0g protein, 0.7g fibre)
2 oz Breadstick (151 cals, 29g carbs, 2g fat, 4g protein, 0g fibre)
2 C Lettuce (16 cals, 3g carbs, 0g fat, 2g protein, 1.9g fibre)
1/4 C Tomatoes (8 cals, 2g carbs, 0g fat, 0g protein, 0.4g fibre)
1/4 C Cucumber (3 cals, 1g carbs, 0g fat, 0g protein, 0.2g fibre)
6 Lg Olives (40 cals, 3g carbs, 3g fat, 0g protein, 1.2g fibre)
1 oz Light Feta (60 cals, 0g carbs, 4g fat, 6g protein, 0g fibre)
2 Tbsp Renee's Greek Feta Light (100 cals, 2g carbs, 10g fat, 1g protein, 0.7g fibre)

Snack: (4 Momentum pts, 4 PointsPlus pts)

1 oz Potato Chips (152 cals, 15g carbs, 10g fat, 2g protein, 0g fibre)

Light Jello (10 cals, 0g carbs, 0g fat, 1g protein, 0g fibre)




Daily Totals:

1487 calories (my range is 1200-1550 per day)
185 g carbohydrates (my range is 163-236 per day)
57 g fat (my range is 32-56 per day)
70 g protein (my range is 60-127 per day)
29 g fibre (my range is 25-35 per day)

29 Momentum pts Used, 32 PointsPlus pts Used




Weekly Totals:
Momentum Weekly Points: -1/35 Remaining, 6/7 APs earned
PointsPlus Weekly Points: 29/49 Remaining, 11 APs earned
Sparkpeople Calorie Differential: -1604 Calories