Forget What I Said Earlier...

There's only one thing I can do to be best I can be. I'm becoming a Breatharian!

http://www.kottke.org/09/06/breatharians

I'm Going to Be Who I Want to Be

I think it's time for me to fess up. Why I feel the need to do so, I'm not sure. This may be a long one.

For a long time now, I've been giving the impression that I am the person I want to be, that my life is what I want it to be. Well it's not true. Not at all. I've been living a bit of a lie, really.

I try to give the impression that my life is just what I want it to be, that my life is enviable. It isn't.

I work a lot, and I try to make that look somehow glamorous. It isn't. Truth is that I probably work so much to avoid a lot of things I'd rather not deal with.

I pretend I'm perfectly happy in my relationship with S. I'm not. We have a lot to work on, and it's only been recently that we've both owned up to that and we're really working on it. I will admit that it is more my issue than his (honestly). I'm lucky to have him, and he's lucky to have me too, but I really think we need to work on appreciating each other a bit more.

I let people think I'm in control of my life and that I'm emotionally checked in and stable. I'm not always like that at all. I allow my emotions to run in cycles - not a good thing to do. I bottle things up, then blow my top every once in a while. I'm working on that too. And sometimes I can't even explain why I feel the way I do. I'm going to look into whether or not there's something chemically wrong, and if there is, I'm going to deal with that.

So I've decided to become who I want to be. I'm going to work on being stronger, nicer, more laid back. More spontaneous and less anxious. I'm going to strive for making healthy eating, consistent exercise, and emotional control part of everyday life.

I'm working on it.

Argh!

I am SICK to death of this!

I am so tired of not being able to be even the littlest bit off plan without gaining like 2 lbs! I'm tired of it! I eat quite well, especially compared to other people, I exercise regularly. Why can't I have a slice of pizza without gaining weight? WHY?!?

I'm going to the doctor about it too. Something's just not right. It was never this hard before, and I'm at my wits end with it. I'm requesting hormone testing and a heart test. And she's going to get one scheduled for me. Period.

Can I HAVE a Bigger Crush on Matt Mays?!?

No, no I can't. He's great.

Matt Mays and the Black Crowes were awesome on Saturday night. It poured rain from the sky like I've never seen in June, but it didn't matter - it was great. I totally drank and ate way too much, but I don't do that very often, so whatever. I really needed the stress release.

Now, one more weekend of concert-going left! Moncton for Bon Jovi on Saturday night! Thanks for the tickets sister-friend!

New Weigh In Day

I've changed my weigh in day from Tuesday to Thursday.

I've been so frustrated with not losing, even though I'm really trying. I know it's only like 5 lbs, but they bug me and I want them gone again. So I'm going to play a mind game with myself. Switching my WI day to Thursday should force me to be a smarter eater on the weekend, which is usually the worst for me. We'll see how it goes.

This weekend we're going to see The Black Crowes (Saturday night) and Live (Sunday night)! Bands like this NEVER come to Fredericton, so we're pretty pumped about it. There are lots of other bands playing too, including Matt Mays and El Torpedo, and Age of Daze. It's supposed to rain all weekend (good for the garden), but it should still be fun!

Why did the turtle cross the road?

We don't know.

Last Saturday we headed down to St. John to see Cirque du Soleil. It was great. On the way down we're driving along (S and I, and sister and brother in law), and we see what looks like a rock in the middle of the highway. As we drive past, we realize it's a big turtle. Just hangin' out in the middle of the highway, waiting to be squashed. We turned around and Stephen jumps out of the car, grabs him and runs him off to the side of the highway to some water nearby. Poor little guy! A bus flew by a few seconds later. He just wouldn't have made it.

Wildlife conservationists we are!

Tomatoes and Peppers and Herbs -- Oh My!

The garden is in! It took a LOT of time to finally finish, but I cannot wait until we get to reap what we have sown!

We planted: tomatoes (yellow boy, roma, tiny tims, beefmaster, and heirlooms), peppers (green bell, jalapeno, chocolate, and cherry pick), cucumbers, beans, peas, carrots, squash (sweet mama and buttercup), zucchini, watermelon (sweet baby), lettuce (romaine and simpson), spinach, beets, pumpkin, onions (spanish, red, and green). I think that's it.

And we have an abundance of herbs: cilantro, chamomile, chocolate mint, lavender, chives, garlic chives, thyme, rosemary, basil, parsley, and lemon balm.

We are gonna be hooked up!

What I Think About When I'm Exercising

I have no idea where this post is coming from, but whatever. That's part of the beauty of having a blog.

What I think about when I exercise depends on a million factors like:

~ Whether or not there's something big that might be completely preoccupying my thought process to begin with,
~ How tired I am,
~ Whether or not I feel like exercising, or whether it's "forced",
~ The activity I'm doing, or
~ My environment

If there's something that I can't get off my mind, it doesn't matter when I'm doing, that's what I'll be thinking about. Relationship issues, family issues, work issues - if any of them rate an 8 or above on my immediate relevancy scale, that's what I'll be thinking about.

If I'm tired, all I'm going to think about is how hard it is to be doing what I'm doing, how I'd rather be on the couch reading, or in bed sleeping, or a million other things that require no energy.

If I want to be exercising, I feel great. If I'm in the mood for a run, I run straighter, faster, with better posture and a higher, longer step. If I feel forced into exercise, I'd might as well have stayed home.

If I'm kickboxing, I think about lots of things that are very different than when I'm running. I get out a LOT of frustrations during my kickboxing classes. I kick that bag HARD if I'm angry, or frustrated. Sometimes I think I'm an ultimate fighter and how tough that would make me, or what it would be like to be in a ring with some chick and having lots of other people watching me fight. Cool. And I'm always thinking of what challenge Andy will throw at us next. Andy's our uber-good-fighter instructor. He kicks our butts regularly.

If I'm running, and I'm in the mood for it, I think about how light I feel. How I could be a marathon runner, and how other people think it's so hard to run, but I can do it. I think about crossing a finish line, I think about the other runners I meet on the trail and how I need to look ultra-confident and fit when I pass them on the trail. I think about my form and how I look to other people who see me running.

What do you think about when you're exercising?

The Wonders That Are... 100-Calorie Packs

I can't stand these things, and I want everyone to know it. Here's why:

1. Contrary to popular belief, they are NOT new products in those pouches. When you discover a new kind of 100-calorie pack, you haven't discovered a new product people. You've discovered an old product that's had a face lift, and divided into smaller pieces.

2. These things are crazy expensive, considering the amount of product you actually get. For instance, Craisins now come in 100-calorie packs. You get 8 packs of Craisins at 28.3g each (less than 1/3 cup). In the regular bag of Craisins, you get 170 grams. Which do you think is more expensive to buy?

3. The amount of packaging on these things is insane. I mean sure, you can recycle the cardboard box they come in, but the difference in packaging will cause Mother Nature to cough up a lung.

That's all, rant over.

Oh, and here's an interesting article to read:
CTV Article

Any comments? Any 100-calorie packs you can't live without?

I Think My Arse Just Fell Off Back There!

This is what I'm thinking as I'm on my 6th kilometer of today's run. Holy monkey, this was a tough run for me.

We ran what is known as the outside loop of the 2 bridges here in Fredericton. Gorgeous run, almost all trail running, with a scoot across the walking bridge over the river. Beautiful. It's a total of 6.4km.

I guess I'm now part of a running group, which I swore I never would be. I always thought I'd have to run alone, since I think I'm slow. See, I have this issue where my heart rate tends to soar up to the near-200 beats mark and it forces me to slow down. I figure I'd probably pass out otherwise. So, no biggie to me, but I don't want to be the one at the back of the pack holding my other runner friends up. And yes, I've been to my doctor about this, and I'm fine.

Kickboxing class again tomorrow. I'm pumped!

Tonight's Meeting Topic: Get Fit for Free

What do you all think? If you had loads of money to hire a personal trainer, sign up for any fitness initiatives you wanted, would you be more fit?

Watch Out for Wendy, That Tricky B*tch

PSA: Never trust a red-headed adult woman who wears her hair in pigtails (as seen in the photo, below):



She is one conniving little b*tch.

Recently, I went through a Wendy's drive thru to grab a quick dinner for Steve and I. I order him a burger combo, as I usually would. But instead of saying, "That'll be $7.19, please drive thru", the woman in the box says, "What size combo would you like?". Weird. I say, "medium". This is where she tricks me. It turns out that a medium, which I assumed was the old regular size, is actually a size up from the old size.

So, beware, if this is happening in your area, the SMALL is the old MEDIUM. Like we need bigger sizes and people tricking us into buying them. Sheesh!