What Have I Become?!?

To start this post off, I need to say that I have one of the best DBFs in the world. He is one of the kindest, most supportive guys I've ever known. Seriously. Anyway...

I've been at or under my weight goal for over a year now, and I met my DBF after I had lost the weight. We were having a discussion today about the different ways we support each other. He says to me, "I support you in your running, and with helping you eat healthy", among other things. And he totally does. The poor guy comes running with me a couple of times a week, and eats all of the healthy recipe experiments I make at home, he's always checking out the nutritional information of the foods we buy, he likes trying new fruits and vegetables, etc. He really is the best.

But that's not the point of this post. What he said really got me thinkin'. My life now really is very focused on health, fitness, and healthy eating. It's something I think about all the time, and is just part of me now. So what was it like before?

It is one of the best feelings I've ever had to finally be in control of my life, my eating habits, my fitness, and my health. And I guess a lot of this stuff is what my life focused around before too, just not in a healthy, productive way. I was always obsessed with how "bad" I thought I looked, the guilt I felt about what I ate (and how much I ate!), how people saw me, etc. It was terrible to feel so bad all the time and to feel so out of control.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I think I finally realize that I will always, always have to deal with food issues, whether good or bad. This will always be a part of my life. Forever. One of my crosses to bear in this life. And you know what? I'll take it. I am so blessed to even have the opportunity to worry about what I eat. And I'm blessed because I don't have to deal with something that I can't control. Not to say that I won't face other kinds of challenges in the future, maybe some that will be out of my control, but for now I have to remember to be happy with what I have, every single day.